Light. (a word for 2021)

  Light.

: having little weight : not heavy

: designed to carry a comparatively small load

: not dark, intense

: something that makes vision possible

: a particular illumination

  Who knew the world light had so many definitions? It is my word for 2021 (see more about words from past years here! 2019, 2017, 2016, 2015) and when Justin asked me which definition I was intending, I literally said 'all of the above!" I've chosen words like committed, steady, quiet, rooted, faithful, hallelujah and abide. And its pretty cool so see the impact those words had (and still have!) like having read through the Bible a few times, taken up new prayer routines, learning to be intentional with community and community building, picking up the regular practice of thankfulness, and learning about a long obedience in the same direction. But this year felt different for a thousand reasons. For one, I didn't even care to chose a word. But let me back up.

  Somewhere along the past three-ish years, the feeling of lightness, of being carefree, has not come easily to me. I feel bristly most of the time, hardly ever laugh, and everything seems serious and heavy. Melodramatic much? Ugh, I know. But it's as if I've just put on some sort of weighted coat and can't shake it off. 

  I have always been a more serious person, and that has slowly intensified these past few years. It isn't a huge surprise and when I consider what life has looked like lately, I can draw some correlations. In a matter of three years, I lost my naiveté as a parent when we experienced medical trauma, uprooted our lives near family and friends and really healthy community and moved 5 states away, have spun my wheels so much to try to establish new, deep connections in our new home (without success), endured a global pandemic that made life in a new place feel even more lonely, and grieved the loss of my dad far away from family and friends. Sort of like gut punch after gut punch, you know? I think what has made each of those seem extra heavy to me is that they all happened when I was being obedient to things I knew God was calling me to. It is impossible to not feel bristly when you are open handed with all aspects of life (especially when it doesn't always make logical sense, but you're trusting God to work out the details.). And then time goes by, but those 'details' just feel hard and heavy and not at all anything like what you left behind. It becomes really easy to 

BUT. But, isn't that part of Satan's cleverness? To help us forget in the dark what was so clear in the light? When things get heavy or hard or we find ourselves not in a season of fullness, it is pretty clever of him to gently, slightly shift our focus to the weight of things until eventually it is all we can feel or see or hold onto. One of my favorite songs this past year from NeedToBreathe has this line that keeps rolling around in my head

 "hang on to the light in your eyes and the feeling, hang on to your love-drunk original reason, all these things I've learned, it's never a straight line, cause all these things take time, these things, they take time."  

  You guys, I've done exactly that. Slowly over the past few years (and then a bit quicker since the pandemic started and the gut punches really rolled in), I've forgotten that light, the love-drunk original reason for why I so happily opened my hands and asked God to show me his faithfulness in big ways and jumped to move across the country and have tired so hard to keep building community in our new home (can I keep saying that though we've been here for two years??). Probably even a year ago, light didn't feel as foreign as it does to me now. It seems the past year (global pandemic, anyone?) has just put a big 'ole exclamation point on anything that felt hard or heavy over the past few years. 

So here we are, with a fresh determination to shake that off. I can literally feel my need to find the light and shoe off heaviness. So, light it is. My word for 2021! I still actually have zero idea what God is up to and, if I'm honest, I feel a bit more hesitant about staying open-handed. Obedience seems a bit tender to me these days and not I don't feel quite so eager to pray bold things right now. But light- I can start looking for that. I wrote this in a blog post from last Spring and the words hit home today for me... 

"In the meantime, I’m a firm believer that he gives us things like sunshine and snail mail and innocent kids with their fart jokes and the occasional glass of wine and pizza and FaceTime and the ability to go for a run to help us move through the days until we’re on the other side of whatever feels heavy." 

Preach to myself much?! So, here's to 2021 being a year where (even if I still don't feel clued into what God is up to) I shake off some heaviness. Laugh a bit more. Give less thought to how awkward I am. Sit with the good lists longer than I give thought to the hard stuff. Let the light in, let the light in. That's my motto for 2021 😌✨

Hallelujah.

  I'm fully on the 'word of the year' bandwagon. I'm less of a lofty-goals-hustle-more girl, so picking a word to sort of focus on is more up my alley. Quiet and simple, steady, faith- those sum up the last few years for me. This time, I'm holding tight to Hallelujah. And, as usual, I have ideas in my how how that looks or why that its important for me to focus on. I'm also confident that, just as it always goes, those ideas will be turned upside down and I'll be surprised what God actually ends up teaching me from my word for the year.

  I could go on for a long time about how this word stuck for me (just sit and read the book of Psalms for a few months and it will probably stick with you too!). But it really all comes down to wanting to get better at looking up more and spend less time looking down and around myself. Practicing praise always, not dependent of what life looks like or how the world tells me it should. And being really, really intentional about the whole thing.

  What about you? Do you pick a word? Resolution? Goals? Nothing at all? I'm all for doing (or not doing!) what works and makes sense for you. Wherever you fall on this whole New Year's thing, here are few of my favorite things for a fresh start or to kick off some fun things for the new year.

Podcasts:: this interview with Lysa Terkeurst will give you a swift kick in the pants on how to view disapointment, this one is good for reconsidering what contentment means (especially good for empty nesters!), and Aaron gives some amazing insight here on growing your faith here.

Decluttering:: I hear Emily Ley has a really good (and pretty!) book all about this and I love this book for its tips on decluttering more than just your home (It's technically about parenting, but I would recommended it for anyone!).

Goal setting:: Lara Casey is the pro on all things goal-setting! Other than that, the counselor in me wants you to know that whatever goals you set- make sure they are measurable, attainable, positive (ie. instead of lose weight, make it feel stronger!), and specific!

Songs:: Marching On, Counting Every Blessing, I'm Walking, Put It On the Altar

Fun habits to try on:: One Second Everyday (I will forever talk about how fun this app is!), pick a monthly memory verse (if you need a cute motivator these are cute!), send more snail mail to friends, start something (like a book or cooking club or monthly neighborhood hangout or a new workout class or a new hobby), sign up for chat books (make a series so it automatically prints and ships to you once the book is full! I can give you a code to get your first book for free!), read through the Bible this year (I'm loving this REALLY brief daily podcast to go along with this habit)

Life lately.

 It's 7am and I'm sitting in my quiet kitchen while the boys are still sleeping. That fact alone is amazing to me, since my boys have always been notorious early risers. That has shifted lately. This morning probably has something to do with Justin taking them to the park and playing outside way past their bedtimes last night. But it's also due in part to Caleb phasing out his afternoon nap, Tyler not being a baby anymore, and a host of other shifts we've noticed around our house lately. Our family is changing is really sweet ways.

  You guys. I keep trying to think up the words to explain all the things changing in me these days. None really seem good enough. That alone is probably evidence enough that I'm not quite the same person I was a few months ago. I have less words, or, more accurately, I feel the need to say less words. These days, I like quiet a bit more and have been letting thoughts stick around in my head a bit longer before saying them out loud to anyone but Jesus.

  All of these shifts have happened slowly and without much notice until recently. I've somehow had more time to work on small house projects in the busiest season of our life. I've said no or stepped back from things that surprise even me. New things are important now. Prayer has become something that is woven into every minute of the day, and something I talk less to others about. I've been really looking at my kids and family and taking more mental snapshots. Dreams I would normally talk about and then shrug off, I find myself waking up at 5am to really truly work on and make happen. Even more crazy, I've been reading non-fiction books and loving them. Who am I?!

  I posted something about this on my instagram the other day, about somehow making time for small projects in the midst of this crazy season. And a really wise friend commented that is how it often happens. She said "when life throws us curve balls, we feel more focused and much more intentional. Instead of thinking 'someday', we think 'what needs to happen now? And then we do those things."

  Huh. Yes. Without realizing it, that is exactly that has happened to my heart since January. Letting that truth sink in makes me feel the weight of these last few months. On January 31st, we stepped into a hospital and into things that have forever changed us. I think I can speak for our whole family when I say that? Tyler is probably pretty unaffected, but Caleb's life has been forever marked, Justin's focus and priorities have changed, and I know mine for sure have.

  Maybe it's just that we see things differently- what fills our time versus our hearts? What actually matters? What does it practically look like to stay in constant communication with Jesus? What if we prayed about things more than we talked about them? When we know exactly how crazy life can get, how much more intentional do we want to be with the down times? What happens when we sift through the good and better things to focus more on the best?

  Or maybe its just that I'm getting older and experiencing more life and understanding a bit more each day that it is sweet to get quiet and look more at Jesus than anything happening around me. Or, more appropriately, to look for Jesus in the things around me. Spring helps with that, amIright?

  I just feel like this season is one to be marked. One that, when I'm 80, I will look back on as being significant. Lots of times we can't see what's happening, so its fun to know and see and be able to measure change and growth happening. I mean, check back with me in a few months to see if the little business I'm dreaming up has tanked or if we're feeling exhausted from the unknowns of some health concerns. I might be singing a different tune! Either way, it feels really sweet to be able to see God in the ordinary and specific things of our family and my life.

Creative hospitality.

  
 One of the passages I studied in February was Romans 12:12-13. I have a habit of reading Matthew Henry's commentary and comparing different translations of passages to get a fuller picture. I happened to look up the MSG version of verse 13 and it said "Don't quit in hard times; pray all the harder. Help needy Christians; be inventive in hospitality." That last phrase "be inventive in hospitality" stuck out to me.

  It's been a crazy few weeks for our family and it all came on quickly. (another story for Caleb to tell one day, not me) one of the best things that we've seen through all of these hard situations- community & hospitality. It has BLOWN US AWAY at how loved we are and how many people we really have supporting us. So many people have been really creative in the way they've loved us- the very way Paul talks about it in Romans 12! We all probably have a picture that comes to mind when we say 'hospitality', but I've learned it doesn't have to be so expected or traditional. I thought it might be helpful to share some of the things I've learned about hospitality over these past few weeks!

  Don't ask, just do. That is the biggest thing I have learned about hospitality, over the past few years actually. How many times have people offered or ask if they can help you out and you've responded with 'You're so kind! Thank you for the offer, but we're ok"? I've learned that when I offer, people often don't take me up on it and vice versa. I've also learned that if I make my favorite soup and bring it to Chicago when I visit a close friend who has just had a baby- she'll be surprised but also still eat it and be blessed by it. 100% of the ways we've been loved and people have supported our little family over the last few weeks has been that way- no one asked permission. My moms' girlfriends just gathered together a trunk full of food and delivered it to my mom for us without asking- and it was the best. My mom just cleaned my house while she was watching Tyler- she never asked (I would have told her not to worry about it!), but its been great to have clean floors and folded laundry. And so on and so on. So however you want to show hospitality, don't overthink it or ask permission. Just do it! (And if you're on the receiving in, don't be so quick to say no. If someone is offering something you could really benefit from, say yes!)

  Here are few more, specific ways to be creative with hospitality:

Meals. This is so obvious and the typical go-to way people reach out when big life things happen. And there's a reason why! When you are in the thick of big life things (a new baby, new job, moving, death of a loved one, medical crisis), preparing/eating/cleaning up a real meal is hard and the last on the list of things to be done. A well-rounded meal is the best. And having leftovers is great too!

  And it doesn't have to be as straightforward as baking and dropping off a meal at supper time. Our in-laws who live across the country ordered food through Door Dash and had it delivered to our doorstep. My mom's lifelong girlfriends made us a TRUNK FULL of freezer meals, soups, drinks and dry snacks to have on hand for appointments, etc. My sisters have dropped off lunch for the boys and myself in the middle of the day, and my mom has flat out grocery shopped for us! All things that really truly have made our lives easier these past 6 weeks.

Gift cards. Why do gift cards receive SUCH a bad rap? We received a handful of Panera cards, Chick fil a, and even Kroger. Those helped tremendously with giving Justin and I breakfast when we changed shifts at the hospital, for lunches I could actually convince Caleb to eat and can grab quickly between appointments, and money to grocery shop when we have crazy big medical bills rolling in. Add to that list a super sweet Starbucks e-gift card a college friend emailed me this week right before Caleb's surgery and a generous gift card for a massage sent from one of my best friends- and it feels like every need or convenience desire we've had has been met through unexpected gift cards. I'm sure they seemed small or insignificant to the sender, but they have been a sweet spot in our days!

Mailbox gifts. Does anyone else do this? My closest girlfriends and I have a habit of leaving random cards/treats/gifts in each others' mailboxes. Not always for any certain occasion, but always as a way to say 'you're loved.' I can think of 4 or 5 friends who have left fun gifts for Caleb, chocolate and cookies and wine for me on THE hardest days, and even a sweet t-shirt reminding me that I am thankful despite the hard stuff going on. I will never, ever tire of giving and receiving thoughtful mailbox gifts!

Care packages. Everyone loves a good package in the mail! We received a few really generous packages with toys for Caleb and Tyler, gift cards, sweet notes, sheet masks for me, and more things I'm sure I'm forgetting. But it has all been so welcomed! One friend sent some cute Paw Patrol sunglasses for Caleb and she couldn't have known how handy they have been as we've dealt with some serious eye challenges as a result of the infection he was fighting. The sheet masks sent by a friend were probably just a cute thing she added, but they have been the sweetest little treat I've been able to use when I have a little down time lately. The packages themselves have been a blast for the boys- a fun distraction and thing to look forward to, as well a practical supply of things for us to tote to appointments, waiting rooms, etc.

Prayers. I can't leave this off the list. "I'm praying for you" can be thrown around so loosely, but when someone means it- they are powerful. Bold prayers honor God and God honors bold prayers. You may not be a great cook or have the ability to send a gift or spend money or lend time- but literally everyone who loves Jesus can offer up big, sincere prayers!

Cards/reaching out. When you don't know what to say, saying nothing is the worst. I don't know where, but I've heard that before. If a big life thing is happening, it is easy to feel isolated without realizing it. Reaching out to a friend just to say "Hi! This stinks and I love" is a great place to start (or "Hi! So excited for your growing family/new job/house! I know life is crazy and I'm thinking of you!"). Reminding people they are connected and seen and loved has a long-lasting value.

Babysitting. Oh. Man. One of the biggest challenges for us the past few weeks has been juggling Tyler and Caleb. We obviously couldn't have Tyler at the hospital or any of the four surgeries after the hospital stay ended. And so many appointments are just not ideal to bring him along to. Having my sister, mom, friends help out has been INVALUABLE. Really, truly invaluable. They usually have little/no notice and we drop Tyler on their doorstep and they love him well. We haven't felt like an inconvenience or that we have a big debt to pay back and we've been able to not worry about Tyler because he's been loved well.

Visiting/inviting. Life may be hectic, but there are probably pockets of 10-20 minutes when you can be present and visit. Ask if you can stop by the hospital, visit for breakfast, go on an early morning walk, come over during nap time, etc. If you're planning something that you would normally invite that person to- invite them and don't assume they wouldn't be able or want to come. Ie book club, girls night out, Noonday trunk show, birthday party. If it fits in their crazy schedule, having a normal thing to go to might be just the break they need!


  I'm obviously focusing on how to show hospitality during big life events today, but after I wrote it all out I realized every single thing could be applied to everyday life. Something big doesn't have to happen to warrant reaching out and creatively loving someone! Drop a meal off when you know a friend is having a hectic week at work, send a card on a Tuesday just because a friend is on your mind, buy a cute shirt when you see it and know a certain friend would love it, offer babysitting for a family member for no reason other than to give them a night out, and offer to pop-in for no reason other to have coffee while kids play. I think we make life harder than it has to be when we stick to rules and expectations and worry too much what others will think if we love boldly.

I am positive I've missed great ways to be creative with hospitality during hard times. Tell me! How have you been loved well or creatively reached out to other during a hard time (or just a big life change like having a baby)?

  Even more, let's try this today! Think of (or search out!!!) someone who could use some hospitality and find a way to be creative and love them today. Don't ask permission or apologize or overthink it. See a person and a need you could meet and do it!
SaveSave

Reading Through The Bible.

 

I know I've talked about this (here, here, and here), but I've been reading through the Bible in a year. I love it and am sort of a walking advertisement to all of my friends about it. I explain more about why I think its so great and important and bears lots of fruit in this post. But today I just wanted to check in!

  I'm 219 days into my reading plan this year. I chose the free chronological plan on the Bible iPhone app (I like it because it builds in a grace day each week!). This is my first time reading chronologically, and I do love it and how I get a better narrative of the story woven through the entire Bible. Here are my biggest takeaways so far this year:

Being able to use my phone is a good thing. Sometimes, I can become hung up on the importance of holding my physical Bible. It always just seems better to me and it somehow seems less genuine to read the Bible on my phone and I know that's silly. I've really tried to let go of that this time around and to embrace reading on my phone if I need to. For example, I didn't take my big Bible on vacation with us and instead used the Bible app on my phone!

Doing it with a friends is awesome. My friend Meg is also doing the same plan and, while we aren't formally doing it together, it has been nice to have accountability. Sometimes we'll chat about where we are of if we're a bit behind or what a big takeaway from a recent reading is. I can't really put into words how encouraging it is to just know you're in it together!

Small seeds planted in faith can increase abundantly. I've shared this quote a dozen times, but I never feel its more applicable than with consistently reading through the Bible. Lots of days feel monotonous or just odd (hi, Leviticus!), but in the whole, it adds up to so much! It's easy to see how roots and wisdom have grown for me in the last 7 months!

Reading chronologically has been great for identifying and understanding the whole story that the Bible tells- instead of only single books of Bible I'm able to connect the dots and really start to understand how it is all one seamless story. Even more, I'm noticing how a few years of reading through the Bible means that Scripture really is starting to take deeper and deeper roots in my heart and mind.

This one might come as a surprise. While I love making a commitment to reading through the Bible, I have decided not to do it again next year. I know, I'm the biggest advocate for doing this (and doing it more than once!). But my biggest takeaway the past 8 months is that I want to be able to sit more in one passage or book of Scripture. So in January I'll be using this journal and the concepts laid out in this book. I want to pick a few portions of Scripture and study deeper and I'm super excited to start in a few months. Until then, I'll keep trucking through the Bible chronologically.

All in all, I know that I'll never have it all figured out or know all there is to know when it comes to my faith. If anything, the more I learn and study, the more I realize I don't know! But the daily habit of sitting down and being with Jesus and studying the Bible is quite literally life changing. The best place to start is to just start!

Little world changers.

   We had our Play Day For a Purpose today! 10 moms and 15 kids came over to hang out in our backyard this morning- and they came with armloads of donations for our local domestic violence shelter. It was so cool to see the pile of donations growing as people arrived!

  Honestly? I didn't expect more than my sister and one or two friends to show up. Isn't it funny how we doubt even the things we are certain God has put on our hearts? What if no one came or Caleb didn't care or I didn't end up with anything to drop off at the shelter (they were expecting me to have at least a boxful!)? All silly, but honest things. One of my favorites, Jessica, always talks about doing things scared. Not waiting until we have all of our ducks in a row or 100% confidence things will go the very way we hope. Instead, walking forward even when you're a bit scared and nervous and just doing it.

  So we did it- a bit unsure of how it would turn out. People came! They overwhelmed us with donations! The kids had fun and I had just enough food for everyone (Chick fil a party tray for the win!).

  Its funny how ridiculously simple the whole thing was. Pray for an opportunity to serve the local community, invite people over, set out some toys/food/chair, and collect donations. And you know? If only two people had come, we still would have made a difference! I am understanding more and more about starting where I am and using what I already have. My house and backyard aren't anything crazy, but they are enough to host a few people. I don't have a big budget, but I can swing some brownies, fruit, and a chicken nugget party tray. I don't have a million friends and wouldn't say I'm super well connected or influential in my community. None of that matters. In hindsight, its neat to look back and see how God perfectly connected my desire to include my kids in serving others with the tools he's already given me.

  And look at this donation pile!!! Caleb is beyond himself with excitement about dropping it all off at the shelter tomorrow (and hoping he gets to meet their resident service dog!). I'm not even sure if he'll remember today or tomorrow when we drop it off. I hope he does! Either way, I want it to just be the beginning. I have plans to do this somewhat regularly- maybe a few times each year? What if gathering together with friends and family to celebrate and help people in our community just became an ordinary part of our kids' lives?

  So here's my friendly encouragement for you today- have something on your heart you want to do? Do it! Pray, use what you have, and don't wait until you're not nervous about it anymore. Start where you are and even the smallest things can have an impact!

Used up.

Filled to be emptied again.

Meant to be used up.

Those two phrases or ideas have completely shifted my attitude and, honestly, my heart lately.

The first is from a pretty popular song, but I heard the second from the director of the bible study I attend during the school year. She said it in reference to our life on earth and how we want to approach the Lord when we get to heaven. As in, the goal isn't to hoard our energy or money or things during our lifetime, but instead to be fully used up and be able to stand before God saying "I gave it all for you. I gave patience and kindness and my time and my money and things to build your Kingdom. Here I am- a bit bruised and beaten, but fully used up." While she used it in the context of our entire life, I heard it in the context of my current days as a mom.

  I am fully used up the end of each day. My energy is gone, I'm running on little patience by 8pm, my creativity is depleted, all I have has been used up throughout the day with my little guys. A few months ago, I had sort of been viewing that as a less than wonderful thing. Like ugh, I'm spent. After hearing that specific talk at Bible study this spring though, I realized that yes, I'm used up. I'm used up! God fills me every single morning, not to conserve my love and patience and fun- but to give every little bit of it to my boys. I should be tired and emptied of patience and love and fun by the end of each day. That's the point!

  Such a basic shift in how I look at my days and my heart. Nothing at all has changed besides my attitude and my approach. I'm filled (every day) to be emptied. I get a bit bruised and tired and used up because that is what the Lord has created me for- specifically as a mom these days. But in other areas too. With friends and my husband and in my family. I'm sure I will feel this same way when I return to full-time social work in a few years.

So here's to being used up each day- and at the end of this life- and seeing that as a good thing!

On giving up Instagram.

  I thought I'd give a little recap of how lent went- you may remember that I stepped away from Instagram and attempted to spend more time in intentional prayer. Or you may not, because I'm sure you aren't keeping tabs on my life 😂 Either way, here's how it went and where I'll go from here (now that Lent is over)! And just for fun, at the end you'll find our 1 Second Everyday video from the days I went social media free!

  So technically, I didn't give up Instagram for Lent. I should start off with that. I'm actually on IG every single day for my part time job, but I'm on my clients' accounts working on growth. I wish I could have deleted the app from my phone and simply put my phone down more. Even still, it was wonderful to not know/care what 300 other people were up to. I spent a lot more time picking up my prayer journal, talking to my kids, reading real books, or getting things done in my real life than living virtually. It was great! I noticed immediately how much less mental clutter I had rolling around in my head.

  This Lent season was also just a long one personally. I've mentioned it half a dozen times, but we were all just constantly sick this winter. With minor things like sinus infections or influenza, but it sort of left us drained. We capped it off with a short hospital stay for Tyler (weird bacterial infection in his glute muscle). We walked into Good Friday and Easter weekend feeling as if the fog of winter was finally lifting! So while I did lean more into prayer this season, it wasn't as structured and routine as I had hoped. That bugged me and left me feeling guilty most weeks, but in retrospect I see that it doesn't matter so much. Drawing near to God is drawing near to God, however it looks!

  So, what happens now? I don't hate social media. In fact, I firmly believe it can be used for so much good! But stepping back for a couple of months did leave me feeling as if something needed to change. I don't plan on quitting Instagram for good. Honestly, I am intentional about who I follow on social media and try to fill up my feed with only things that encourage and inspire me. It turns out though, that you can have too much of a good thing. My biggest takeaway is that IG can be source of mental clutter for me. Does that even make sense?

  I had too much inspiration and encouragement in my feed. So many healthy things I wanted to try or incorporate. So many great tips and ideas for decorating my home. Endless encouragement for my relationship with Jesus. And, of course, a hundred life updates from people I haven't seen in years/may never see again. Nothing inherently negative, but when I logged in yesterday for the first real time in months, I was overwhelmed. (and there are ads now? And you can post multiple image?) It instantly felt like too much. Too much to catch up on. Too much to sort through. Too much in all the ways.

  So this morning, I unfollowed about 200 accounts. Its amazing! I don't have 30 instastories waiting for me when I log in (I hate the impending red circles making me feel like I have to zoom through them just to make them go away!!). And if I log in only a couple times each day, I can easily scroll through for 5ish minutes and feel like I'm caught up on the important things I want to see. I kept a good mix of design inspiration, friends and family, faith inspiration, and shops I love. But the bare minimum! I'm sure it'll get away from me and I'll pare down again. That's ok! It's stuff like this that I think is important to always be reevaluating- what do you need more of in your life? Less of? There are seasons for different things, and Lent taught me that I can focus so much more on Jesus when I have less clutter and am always thinking of ways make room for Him.

And now- what we've really been up to for the past few weeks! Spoiler: I spent lots of time with my kids😂

March/April 1SE from katie rush on Vimeo.

Steady. (a word for 2017)

  I've shared how 2016 was a year of being quiet and rooted (more on that here). And I feel like I could talk forever about how this verse has changed my heart and my pace. It probably has a lot to do with this season of life- home full time with two really little kids, but I honestly think it pertains to every person and every season. Being drawn into the folds of God, whether life is literally busy or not, is life changing. Learning to be more quiet and less concerned with what others are doing (not in an ignorant way!) is so good.

  So as I've thought and prayed and worked through my hopes for this new year, I keep coming back to one word. And I've sort of fought it because it isn't crazy exciting or cute. My friend Caitlin shared that her word for this year is Hallelujah and I so wanted to copy her! What a great focus for the year! But still, I keep coming back to this word- Steady. 

  Steady: firmly fixed, supported, or balanced; not shaking or moving. If 2015 was the year of diving into the Bible and 2016 was a year of committing to more prayer, I hope 2017 is a year of remaining steady in both. I hope 2017 is a year of remaining steady in loving Justin well, of working on being a better friend and family member, being more present and engaged with my kids. Of valuing my health and making it a priority. I hope 2017 is a year of continuing to say no to lots of things and yes to the best things. 

read through the bible. I don't think I can ever say enough about really, truly digging into the Bible. (this book is a great place to find direction on how to begin!) This has become really important to me and I'm excited to read through it again this year, and I'm trying a chronological plan. (It's on Jan. 10th- not too late to join me!!)

run one 10k. Pretty self explanatory :) 

date nights. It wasn't until mid-2016 that we realized how far out of date nights we had gotten. We made a real effort to spend more one-on-one time together these last few months and its been awesome. Babysitters are expensive, but 100% worth it. Now that Tyler is done nursing, its even easier to get out without the kids. So this year, I want to intentionally have monthly dates!

family bucket lists. Maybe this is silly, but lists help me be more intentional with the boys. I want to be more consistent about routines and actually doing the things we talk about doing together. More specifically, I'm writing a small list of big and little things we want to do together each month and then putting the activities on the calendar. (ie. go the the zoo, finger paint, work on shapes, make valentine's)

ride out noonday. Long story short, I love Noonday Collection and am passionate about its mission. But I go back and forth on whether I'll continue on as an ambassador bc I haven't quite gained traction with it. So we'll see!

read books. I'm shooting for 2/month, so 24 total by the end of the year.

girls trip. I don't know exactly what this looks like, but I'd love to go away with some girlfriends to just do something fun!

host. When we started just thinking about moving last year, the heart of it for me was to be able to host more. And we've done that a ton in the new house! A lot of it has been sort of happenstance (holidays, birthdays, etc) and this year I want to be prayerful and open to really opening our house to hosting in other ways too. Not sure what that looks like, but I think just being open about it is the best place to start.

Daily bread.

  Both boys are actually napping at the same time right now and, while I have a least a dozen other things I could be doing, I'm taking advantage of this time to just sit and rest for a few minutes. It feels good to just be and to let the thoughts in my head sort of just roll around for a bit- so I figured I may as well blog them too.

  I firmly believe that we're not really any more busy than we allow ourselves to be and that no one person is any busier than another- we all just have different boundaries, thresholds, and priorities. So when I say that I feel like these free, quiet moments to myself are so so rare these days, I say it knowing that its probably the same for you, too.

  These boys have been giving me a run for my money lately. At the same time, I would probably agree that life has never really felt so fun and full. I'm not sure I've ever laughed so much each day or operated on such little sleep and lived in such a constantly messy house. Its such a crazy balance- these feelings of being stretched to my literal limits and these feelings of being blessed to overflowing. When I take a step back, I can see that none of it is coincidence (or of my doing) and that God gives really good gifts right when we need them.

 (and then, no joke, both kids woke up in the middle of me writing this. C'est la vie, right?)

  But anyways. All of this has had me thinking of the verse I stumbled on last week in Proverbs 30:8. "Give me neither poverty nor riches, but give me only my daily bread." Honestly, we all probably want to operate from a place of abundance. And I think sometimes we have the opportunity do so. That's not usually the case though. I love thinking of the Israelites as they wandered through the dessert and quite literally depended on God to give them new bread every morning to make it through one day at a time. That takes faith and trust and real dependence on God.

   One of the things I think I struggle with the most is general anxiety, even in the midst of really abundant seasons. My worries get away from me and can easily turn huge blessings into big worries (will we ever find a new house? am I being a good enough friend? what if I'm missing some big developmental thing that I should be working on with my kids?). But this verse is like one big whoosh. Tomorrow will take care of itself. God has given me just enough for today, right now. None of this is ground breaking or new for me to hear, but somehow this verse just keeps popping back into my head and reminding me not to get ahead of myself or stuck in worry about the mights and could be's and to just rest in the ways God has equipped me right now.

  So, as we gear up for a weeklong vacation with family at the beach, I'm keeping my expectations realistic. I know that vacationing with two kids under two probably won't make space for lots of actual rest. And that's ok! Instead of worrying about how to make it perfect for Justin or not be a buzzkill for the others we're traveling with (I'm forever self-conscious about our kids bugging other people- another thing I need to let go of)- I'm going to give myself space to stay up late chatting with friends even if it means losing sleep, carving out time to read a book and recharge while the boys nap even if it means missing out on some beach time, or whatever little ways I can find to have rest and live in the season of life God has placed me instead of worrying about it or fighting against it. Oh, and work on my tan. I haven't had a real, legit tan in at least 3 years!
 

Quiet and rooted. {goals for 2016}

  Over the last few weeks, I've been thinking a lot about 2016. A la Lara Casey, February 1st is my January 1st. I don't love rushing goals or making them just to make them. For me, looking back on the past year is so good for seeing where I've come from and the ways God has been tweaking my heart and lining things up and closing doors to what I thought were sure things. It helps me see how he answered the prayers I forgot I had even prayed.

   I also so love looking forward, too. Not with a hurry up and get there attitude, but instead so that I can live intentionally. Last year I really committed to digging deep into the Word and knew it was a lofty goal from the get go. But! I am so much better for it. Those tiny seeds planted every morning I sat down for how ever many moments I could find seemed unsubstantial at the time- but looking back I can see how, strung together, they've changed my heart. So I've been praying about 2016 and how I can dig deeper and what this year might look like if I'm intentional about the most important things.

  Even before I started thinking about my goals for 2016, this verse has rolling around in my head. {I talked about it a bit here} Without really meaning for it to happen, it became the springboard for every goal I have this year! I don't usually pick a word for the year- but I've sort of landed on these two for 2016//

quiet & rooted. 

I love this definition of quiet: to make or become calmer or less noisy. Yes. Less noisy. That's what I want 2016 to be the year of. I don't mean literal noise, because I have two kiddos and two big dogs and that would basically be impossible. Our house is often loud and hectic. What I mean is seeking less figurative noise. Less comparing, unrealistic expectations, saying 'no' out of fear, busyness, anxiety, looking too far ahead, talking when I should listen, doing before praying, trying to do it all. LESS of all that stuff. Together it all gets loud and drowns out the most important things I want to give my best to- God, family, others. And the best way to quiet things down? Being deeply rooted in the Best thing- God's Word.

So, here are my goals for 2016! They're a bit broad, but I've got some action steps for each. I love these goals. I can't wait to see how they change my heart and draw me closer to God and bless the people around me. And real talk? I'm nervous as all get out about the last one! It is so. far. out of my comfort zone to ask people to join me in something like Noonday Collection. But I don't want to play it safe- I want to look back at 2016 knowing that some things were so big, only God can take credit for them. Amen?

Goal One: study the word. {Use Jen Wilkin's method of studying the Bible, memorize a verse each month, keep my Bible out to encourage daily study, study with Justin/friends/other women/kids}

Goal Two: focus on family. {de-clutter house, date Justin {love dare?}, schedule work so my days are free for kids, phone-free times, ask for help around the house, plan adventures, pray for my family, take care of myself}

Goal Three: Use my work with Noonday Collection to help build a flourishing world. {achieve a spot on an Artisan Trip, choose a local organization to support monthly, adoption shows}

Phew. There they are! Now that they're written down and out there for you to read- I instantly feel more committed to them. Keep me accountable! Help me accomplish them! If you see me in real life or follow me on social media- please do check in and ask how these goals are going. Did you set goals for this year? Share them with me! We're better together!

Ps. I used this series to help set my goals this year! Even if you don't think you're a goal-setting type of person- you need to check it out! I have a feeling you'll change your mind :)

Quiet and simple.

I love Jennie Allen's post on the one lie that will shut you down. 

It so speaks to this season of mothering littles. But it also speaks to anyone else who hears the lie that if it isn't big- it doesn't matter.

This picture so sums up my days right now. And you can't see the two lingering dogs that couldn't fit in the frame. Or the pile of laundry. Or the aftermath of a sink that overflowed because I lost track of it while tending to something else. I spend 95% of my days managing these kiddos and those dogs and this house. And I really love it. No one sees how many times I pick up MegaBloks or put away laundry or teach my toddler his alphabet or get my newborn to smile- and that's ok.

In the first few months of staying home after leaving my social work job when Caleb was born, I struggled a lot with this. With feeling like I was doing ggg less important work. That I wasn't influencing anyone, that my platform was so much smaller. And then I stumbled on 1 Thess 4:11...

“Make it your ambition to lead a quiet life: You should mind your own business and work with your hands.”

 I’ve been mulling over that verse and the idea behind it for months now. When I think of the women I most admire, I realize that they are ones who live that out. They aren’t trendy women on instagram who have thousands of followers or popular books. {but there’s nothing wrong with that!} They aren’t loud about their life and what they’re up to our their accomplishments. They are women who, with their quiet life, have unintentionally made a huge impact around themselves. Do you know women like that? Who love their God so well and are just rooted deeply in Scripture? Who value family and hospitality and love others well? They usually have no idea anyone would look up to them or that they are even influential. Because they aren’t focused on that.

I love Jennie’s words about this…

May we desire to be helpful rather than important.

May we see individuals and not follower numbers.

May we seek to make God’s name great and not our own.

 I play those words on repeat in my head these days. When I’m giving one kid a bath and trying to keep the other from melting down. When I’m discouraged about my impact through Noonday collection compared to others. When I don’t get much else done in a day besides keeping kids alive and making supper. When I find myself pulled between loving this season so much but longing to do social work again.

1 Thess. 4:11 is the springboard for every goal and hope I have in 2016. May I really and truly desire to be helpful and to see individuals and to make God’s name great-while not busying myself with things that distract from that.

Like confetti.

Find a free printable from Intentional Home here!

 Does anyone else feel like the holiday season is the best time to work on loving well? Calendars are full, places are crowded, we spend time with lots of different people, and things can be stressful. Maybe its just me that feels that way? Anyways, I saw the quote "throw kindness around like confetti' the other day and it, added to my purposeful prayer to love some hard people better, has me feeling a bit challenged. A friend encourage me the other day, saying that our actions on the outside show so much more love than the frustrations or bitterness we feel on the inside. Amen. And goodness, that's hard to live out!
  Anyways, I saw this and loved it. Scripture to back up this thought of not keep score and letting go of frustrations {when they're so easy to hold onto!!} and offering grace when we'd rather not. 10 ways to love and love well. Even if you're not feeling particularly challenged to work on this or you don't have challenging people in your life {bless your heart}- these are 10 great reminders for starting the new year well! Let's all be a littler kinder to strangers, coworkers, family, and friends. Even the ones that challenge us.

Joyful expectation.

I'm borrowing some words from the IF:Equip Advent study today...

"The theme of this week is joy. To celebrate the joy we have in Christ. The joy of His birth. The joy of our salvation. Nehemiah 8:10 says the joy of the Lord is our strength. No person, event, or circumstance can take away the joy we have in Christ. During this time of Advent, let the joy of Christ’s coming fill your heart. Look forward to His second coming with joyful expectation; knowing that He will make all things wrong, right. Ask God to overwhelm you with joy this week."

With only 9 days left until Christmas and everyone running around the finish shopping and finalizing plans with family and friends and pushing through the busiest season, I love that Advent brings us back to Jesus. I think giving good gifts and having parties and filling our calendars are fun and part of the magic of Christmastime, but they aren't the real reason we have to be joyful!

This my most favorite part of Advent! The joy of waiting with expectation because we know Christ is coming. We know the prophecy of Isaiah is fulfilled in him; wonderful counselor, prince of peace.  Christmas is coming and there is so much to be joyful about, no matter what your current situation looks like! Psalm 40:16 says that all who seek Christ can rejoice and be glad in him. Yes!

And I love how IF:Equip ends the study from yesterday-
What new song of joy has Christ put within your mouth?

Tiny seeds.

"Tiny seeds can increase abundantly."

  I wrote that quote down sometime last spring. I don't remember why it stood out to be at the time or where I even read it, but I've found myself coming back to it a lot lately. 
  In January {or was it February?} I set some goals for myself to become more disciplined with reading my Bible, prayer, and memorizing Scripture. I decided to read through the Bible, memorize two verses each month, and commit to praying regularly {using my prayer journal to keep me on track and focused!}. Lofty goals that seemed exciting at the time- how cool would it be to end 2015 having read the entire Bible, committed a lot of God's word to memory, and to have prayed consistently for my world, family, friends, and self?!
  To be honest? The excitement wore off quickly. Probably somewhere around 1 & 2 Kings. Spoiler alert: some bits of the Old Testament are looong. Then I found out I was pregnant and the really human part of me was tired and had zero energy to wake up early and carve out time for these things. Plus, a year is a long time to commit to something! 
  But! 10 months later {or 82%, as my hand SheReadsTruth app tells me}- and I finally understand that little quote up there. Tiny seeds can increase abundantly. Making time every single day {or catching up on a few days every once in a while} to sit with Jesus is worth it. Always. Over these last 10 months, I've read my Bible in the quiet of the morning with a warm cup of tea. Quaint, right? But I've also read it while waiting to get my hair cut at GreatClips. I've carried my Bible around the house for a couple of hours, chasing my toddler and reading bits when I get a break from saying no and pushing him on his truck. I would have loved for each morning in 2015 to have started off quiet, just me and Jesus. That's just not my real life. And that's ok!
  I've also absolutely loved some readings and been rocked by them. Other days, I learn a lot about God's people and the history that the Bible spans. And, truthfully, other days, I'm not quite sure what I've read but I walk away trusting that God's word won't return void and maybe some of the readings will draw me back at another point in my life. 
  Why am I saying all of this? Because it seems like I've had a lot of honest discussions with different women lately about reading the Bible. And the discipline of it. The thing about discipline is that you can't see its impact close up and right away. The big picture is where you can track the change it has on your life. 10 months into working hard at being disciplined with time in the Bible and prayer, and I can see the change it has had on my life. I know God's word more intimately. I read God's story every day and am more clearly able to see him in my own life. I'm slower to give someone advice or chime in with my opinion on something and quicker to simply pray for things. I'm more patient with Caleb. I'm more intentional with loving Justin well. Writing down my prayers and looking back on them has shown me very clear ways that God has heard and responded to me. Answered prayers that I may have forgotten or overlooked before are so clear to me now. 
  I didn't go on some crazy intense spiritual retreat or join a life changing Bible study. I have taken small steps every day {give or take! I miss days!} to draw nearer to God. My prayer and Bible study lasts anywhere from 15 minutes to an hour, and most days, its closer to 15 minutes. That's ok. That's what this real season of life looks like for me right now. I'm sure a few years from now when I'm not chasing a toddler and making chicken nuggets and reading endless boardbooks and changing diapers on repeat, my time might look different. Right now, this is what I've had to offer God and he's met me  here for the last 10 months. 
  With only two months left in my reading plan, I'm already looking forward to 2016 and how I will approach Bible study. This book seems like a great resource to guide me and I'm thinking of still staying away from devotionals. I love plans like SheReadsTruth and others that have great commentary. Sometimes, though, I get caught up in the commentary. This past year of just reading the Bible has helped cut out some of the background noise and I want to keep that up. I still love reading notes and other's thoughts on passages, but not in a way that I let it guide my reading. 
  I'm writing this as much for myself as I am for you. How are you reading the Bible these days? Are you reading it at all? If not, can I gently encourage you  to start and not be overwhelmed? It's so good, but it'll seem a bit boring or confusing too. The whole point is doing it and starting somewhere. Those tiny seeds of discipline and the act of just digging in will, I guarantee it, produce something bigger than you could imagine!
  Have any great study ideas I should try for 2016? I want to hear them!!

First thing.

"You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you" Isaiah 26:3

  Lately it's been so hard for me to get up before Caleb to have my own quiet time. I've been squeezing it in while he plays or eats breakfast, but it doesn't compare to starting my day in the Word quietly and without any distractions. I'm less anxious, quicker to love others, and slower to forget God's promises when I make my mornings with Jesus priority. 
  I've been feeling especially anxious lately, about pretty much everything and for no particular reason. But I'm learning that the mornings I wake up and tackle this first and find verses to repeat throughout the days are the best ones. The ones where I can see in front of me and am a little less overwhelmed with the big picture of things or unknowns. 
  The older I get, I'm also learning how important it is to keep scripture at the top of my mind. To commit verse to memory, to read what the Bible says about different life applications. To pray through the Word. I know it'll only be more challenging when there are two kids to give my time to in a few months, and I want to develop good habits now. So here's to s new week and a new attempt to start my days in the best way, even when my bed is comfy and my eyelids are heavy! 

How do you tackle daily devotions and time in the Word? Are you a morning or night person when it comes to reading your Bible? Have any great Bible studies I should try? {my 365DaysofTruth study will be done in a few months!}

Ordinary and imperfect.

“Throughout the Bible, God chose ordinary and imperfect people—fishermen, shepherds, and farmers—to do astounding things. Even though we are ordinary, God can make the impossible possible when we humble ourselves and surrender our fears to Him. God does not need you to be a superhero in order to use you for His great purposes. He just needs your humble, willing heart.” - Lara Casey, Make It Happen

  I woke up yesterday morning, the morning of my official Noonday Collection launch, nervous. While Caleb ate breakfast, I spent some time praying about my nerves and insecurities. And I continued that prayer into the afternoon as ladies called and text to say they wouldn't make it to my launch party. Would any even show up? What if the few that did just think I'm trying to sell them things and make money off them? What if no one leaves the party with even a little excitement about being able to purchase and partner with Noonday to make a real difference around the world? And then I remembered a quote I had seen recently about not attaching your identity to the outcome of anything. Yes. I joined Noonday to make a difference. And just like I told the 10 {10!!!} ladies that came yesterday, every bit of partnering with Noonday makes a difference- from buying the most inexpensive piece to hosting a huge trunk show. That, coupled with an encouraging text from a friend reminded me no matter how my launch party went, how many women decided to host a show, that I was being obedient. I was being faithful and a part of something bigger than myself. That my expectations didn't matter and I needed to 100% let them go.
  So I did. I let my expectations go and was absolutely blown away at the outcome! I'm sure whatever I said to the ladies was a bit nervous and jumbled still and I definitely forgot some things I had planned to say or do. But still. Guys. God reminded me that absolutely none of that matters! I'm so simple and ordinary and imperfect {aren't we all?}. But every single lady seemed genuinely excited and so sweetly made a purchase and 3 even booked their own Trunk Shows! The best part of it all? Being able to draw a name out of the raffle and gift all the of really amazing hostess rewards (I can't keep them since I'm an Ambassador!) to one of the most deserving ladies. So fun!
  I'm ordinary. I debated and put-off becoming a Noonday Ambassador for years, literally. Then, once I did take the jump, I second-guessed myself immediately. But I was forgetting that it wasn't about me  or the impact I'm capable of making across the world. It's about just being faithful, showing up, and letting God use me in whatever way. Whether that ends up just being to tell those 10 ladies about how they can use their purchasing power to make an impact around the globe or maybe eventually help some adoptive families bring their baby home. 
  So anyways. I woke up yesterday full of nerves and second guesses. Today was different. I woke up hopeful and assured that, like Lara Casey says, I don't need to be a superhero to be used for God's great purposes. 
  What have you been second guessing lately? What do you feel a bit insecure about or unqualified to do? Do it anyways. God will fill in the gaps!

ps. If you couldn't make the show and still want to shop, you still can until the end of this week! And even more, please host a Trunk Show! Have a fun girl's night at your house (or local coffee shop!) and talk about social justice while styling your friends and picking out awesome Christmas gifts for some ladies on your list this year! If you're within a couple hours of the Indy area, we can make it happen. Just shoot me an email and I'll take care of all the details for you :)