Quality over quantity.

  After a weekend learning from women much wiser and further along in life than myself and celebrating my last birthday in my 20's, there's been one thing playing on repeat in my head. Quality over quantity.
  I'm not sure I've ever been terribly concerned with popularity or having lots of attention, friends, or even things. But I think everyone places value on those in some way, you know? If I compare my 19th birthday to my 29th, there is such a stark difference. I'm sure there were specific material things I wanted as gifts and I received no less than two dozen birthday wishes. Those are terrible things. But this year, I truly don't have any birthday wishes {well, unless you count having Justin hang curtains for me. That would be the best gift!} and I received less than a dozen birthday wishes.
  And before you think I'm fishing for more, I'm not. Because the ones I did receive were full of love and encouragement and genuine friendship. I'll take 5 meaningful and lasting birthday cards over 50 facebook messages any day. Truly. Quality over quantity.
  I'm learning that I don't need a wide circle of community, but I do need a deep one. There is nothing bad about small talk and fun, surface relationships. But there is something invaluable about friendships that speak truth, celebrate highs and mourn lows, and are steady through the years. That's probably been the greatest lesson of my 20's.
  At the conference I attended, we heard from women who have been supporting each other for twenty years. They kept referring to each other as their 'porch', their community of support, encouragement, and fun. It's unrealistic to think that you can fit everyone onto your metaphorical porch. Even Jesus had a smaller group of friends within his wide circle. But I really believe that, especially the older you get, you need that smaller group. You need your own porch of supporters, encouragers, truth speakers, and hilarious people to do fun things with. You just do.
  Quality over quantity. I don't need lots of stuff in my home anymore, but I do want to love the physical things I own. I don't need more hours in the day, but I do need to use the ones I have with intention and purpose. I don't need 50 friends to send me "Happy birthday!" texts, but I do need 5 friends to pray for me and remind me that I'm doing some things well and to laugh and cry with me. Quality over quantity.

On grief.

  Have you read Anne Lamott's Help, Thanks, Wow? It's a really short and easy read. I picked it up a few years ago and read it while on vacation with friends, a year after our miscarriage and nearly a year into trying to get pregnant again. I found both of those things to be really isolating and hard. Hard to talk about or relate with others on. Both held their own sort of grief, and I think grief, in general, can be hard and tricky. Anne, in her book, talks so candidly about praying honestly and rawly. I love that, and have held to that ever since reading it.
  So anyways, where was I going with this? Grief. It probably makes sense that the older I get, the more I experience it. You've probably noticed the same. That doesn't make it any easier though, does it? Like, we know its inevitable. The odds are against us. But is still stings so deeply every single time it pops up.
  I'm writing all this because, after a weekend remembering a little life that was never lived, my heart is breaking again for another little life never lived and the parents that met their baby in a way they never expected. All death and loss is tragic, each in its own way. And its probably just my season of life. But infant loss seems so cruel. You can't make sense of any of it. 
  But back to Anne's book. You really should read it. She starts off by talking about praying through those really sucky and nonsensical parts of life and eventually asserts that even when life sucks and makes zero sense, we can still be in awe and wonder of the God who made it all. 

“Human lives are hard, even those of health and privilege, and don’t make much sense. This is the message of the Book of Job: Any snappy explanation of suffering you come up with will be horseshit. God tells Job, who wants an explanation for all his troubles, “You wouldn’t understand.” And we don’t understand a lot of things. But we learn that people are very disappointing, and that they break our hearts, and that very sweet people will be bullied, and that we will be called to survive unsurvivable losses..."

“But grace can be the experience of a second wind, when even though what you want is clarity and resolution, what you get is stamina and poignancy and the strength to hang on.”

“If I were going to begin practicing the presence of God for the first time today, it would help to begin by admitting the three most terrible truths of our existence: that we are so ruined, and so loved, and in charge of so little.”   

  Do you feel that pull? Trying to reconcile the hurt and goodness around us? Trying to make sense of and fix the things that go wrong?

 I walked outside this morning, after drying some tears and praying for my sweet friend who is delivering her stillborn baby this morning. And I saw my lilac bush on the brink of blooming and I helped thread my clematis through the trellis as it stretches higher and higher, getting ready to sprout deep purple flowers. It seemed so ironic. Literally watching new life sprout while death still stings so strongly.

 We don't understand a lot of things. Even though we want clarity and resolution, what we get is strength to hold on. We're so loved and in charge of so little. 

Favorite things. {a new tradition}

{We really, really struggle with remembering to take group photos. We're missing Jay in this one!}

 Another cooking club post! Are you shocked? Yeah, me neither. I honestly cannot say enough about those ladies. The best friends, encouragers, challengers, and bright spots in my week. We started a tradition last year of taking December off from cooking {but do we really cook all that much anymore really?}. Instead we went out together and decided to make it an annual thing. This year we added on a Favorite Things gift exchange. And oh my gosh, best decision ever. We chose a spending limit and all agreed to buy 5 of our very favorite thing right now. We met up at Mama Carolla's {if you love Italian and live in Indy, GO THERE NOW} for dinner. While we ate, we exchanged gifts and explained why we chose our gift. It was so, so much fun. We're already thinking of things to buy for next year! If it says anything about how much I loved it all, I currently have one candle burning {you can't burn both at once!}, a mug of my new tea, perfume in my atomizer, top coat on my nails, and new ideas jotted down in my notebook. So I'd say it was a successful Favorite Things exchange. But even more than that, the company last night was amazing. Our lives are busy these days {new babies, new husbands, work, holiday craziness}, so when we can all get together- it's extra special. There was so much laughter. So much laughter. And talk about holiday stresses. And babies. And honeymoons. So here's where I do it- plug cooking club. Do you have intentional community around you? Not people you see sometimes when your calendars work out {they never do.} Not community that lives across the state or country and you love but never really see. Not community that is only a phone call away {do you ever really call?}. But real, honest, regular and consistent community that you make an effort on. Do you have that? If not, fight for it. Make it happen. You probably don't even realize how much you need it, but you do. And if you do have it, hug those people this Christmas. Remind them how thankful for them you are! 
  And now, because I love it all so much- here are our Favorite Things goodies!

 Rifle Paper Co. journal// Seche Vite top coat// perfume atomizer {SO awesome!}// David's tea// prayer journal// Mrs. Claus candle// Wood Wick candle

   Have you done a Favorite Things exchange before? What would you include? I'd love to hear- I'm always on the hunt for good gifts! What traditions do you have with friends that you look forward to ever year?

Thursdays with Caleb. {8}

 So, I'm totally inconsistent with these posts. And its Wednesday, not Thursday. But I have a fun holiday DIY post for tomorrow so I'm just breaking all the rules around here today. Caleb has just been growing and changing like crazy lately, and I don't want to forget these days. 
  I had to look it up, but Caleb is 25 weeks old now! A few weeks ago Chelsea told me to brace myself, because Caleb was about to start developing like crazy {her little guy is a few months older}, and she was right! He's started to reach for me when he's laying down or someone is holding him- which pretty much melts my heart every single time. 
  We're also starting to see more and more personality develop. Caleb is almost strangely calm- so quiet and not super expressive. But that's changing! He is babbling like crazy and squealing and even fussing more! He absolutely loves his changing table and just wiggles and talks to himself the entire time he's laying there. Something has clicked with eating, too, and the kid loves food. He whines between every single bite- but it's a complete fake cry. 
  He's this close to rolling from back to belly, and teeters on his side while he holds onto his toes. He also is starting to love toys. Everything still goes straight to his mouth, but he is starting to really look at the pages of books and watch flashing lights. We're still working on sitting up. It doesn't last too long, but he's getting stronger and stronger. 
  And on an emotional note, I've been really sad lately thinking about how Caleb is nearly 6 months old. Not because he's growing too fast {he is!}. But because that means that sweet Oak passed away 6 months ago. While these last few months have been so full for me, Oak's mom has been walking through the unnatural grief that comes with losing a baby. You guys. I catch myself thinking of buying matching outfits for the boys or thinking about them together. And with the holiday season, I'm remembering him even more. And his mom. {Lauren, I doubt you're reading this, but if you are, I love you!}. And I'm trying to think of ways to celebrate and remember him and love on his parents well as Christmas approaches and his loss is sure to still sting {will it ever really not?}. Thoughts? How do you remember loved ones who've passed away during the holidays? How do you love on friends who are still walking through grief during the holidays? 

Baby besties.

  5 months after Caleb was born and 2 1/2 months after Ezra was born, the boys finally met! Chicago and Indy have never felt further away than these last few months as we've watched our little guys grow up over social media and trying to find a place on the calendar to plan a get-together. The stars aligned and Gretchen and Kevin so sweetly made the trek to our house this weekend! There's a chance we planned for them to wear coordinating Rick Ross onesies {Thanks Dave & MB!} and made a special trip to Target just so they would have matching pj's. And then we decided the matching pj's will just have a to be a tradition. Because what's cuter than babies in matching footed pajamas?! Also, Rick Ross himself liked the babies' photo on instagram! You better believe we'll be bragging about that to them when they're older. 
  It was a wonderful weekend. Easy and slow and nothing crazy. Just really, really sweet to meet the little guys and hold each other's baby. And to see our sweet boys together and talk about how they'll be roommates on Penthouse one day {where their dads met!}. It seems like the boys were extra excited, because neither one seemed to want to take full naps. We just chalked it up to FOMO. 
  It's so special to have friends who love on our baby well and for us to have chances to do the same for them. We're thankful that Kevin and Gretchen made the trip to see us and we are already counting down the days until we get together again and with the whole group of our college friends for a wedding next month. Life is busy and full, but carving out time for weekends with friends will always be a priority!

Marathon.

  Are you sick of me talking about Cooking Club yet? It seems like I mention it all the time, but I can't really explain what sweet, unexpected friendships it has developed. We've moved so far past just sharing recipes and apologizing for how our food might taste or how cluttered our home might look and into real, deep community. And goodness, do I love those ladies.
  Which brings me to Saturday morning. Kate, Liz {HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!}, Chelsea and I all grabbed some warm Starbucks {it was SO cold!} and headed downtown to cheer on Meg. SHE RAN A FREAKING MARATHON. So yeah, that's impressive. She's been training for months and we've heard all about the challenges and excitement and anxiety that comes along with preparing for such a big feat. And we knew we had to be there to cheer her on. We waited around mile 17 for her and were able to hug her and take her jacket and tell her how awesome she was doing. Maybe it was helpful for her to see us and know she's loved and supported, and I hope so. But really, I think we were the ones who got the most out of it. As she ran away, you should have seen us. We were beaming like proud moms and just kept repeating cheesy {but totally true} things like "She is so strong!" "I'm SO proud of her!" "She's such an inspiration!" We couldn't stop. Seeing her in such good spirits and going so strong with almost 10 miles ahead of her and pushing through pain we knew she'd been battling- it really was amazing. 
  But that's why I love those ladies so much. We are all really different {there's no chance you'll find me running a marathon, ever} but we challenge each other. Crazy things happen when you surround yourself with people who challenge and inspire you. So here's my regular reminder to do it. To move outside your comfort zone and find/work for/develop deep community right where you are. 

Pray.

source

   Yesterday, my best friend lost her sweet baby boy. It's not my story to tell, but it is my burden to help carry. And all I can think to do, outside of physical hugs and crying together and holding her hand when there just are no words, is to pray. For peace and comfort and strength to walk through today and and tomorrow and the next forever until she and her husband can hold their sweet baby on the other side of this life. Grief is such a strange, all-consuming thing that has the ability to isolate and destroy.  Will you pray with me against that? You don't know them or their story and that's the beauty of prayer. You don't need to. Please pray that God pulls them so close and holds them in the palm of his hand when they are so very overcome with grief. Pray for glimpses of joy in this, their deepest pain. 

Champions.

  This past Saturday, we were able to watch J's cousin play {and dominate!} in the Big10 Championship game. We hosted my brother and sister-in-law, along with some of our favorite friends from Chicago. The game was a late one and we may or may not have rolled into bed around 4am after all was said and done {read: game, celebrating with family, and Steak'n'Shake}. But it was so worth it! We're all so proud of Marcus and the whole Spartan team. Can't wait to watch them in the Rose Bowl! 

ps. MSU football: round 1