Monday, December 30, 2013

{Another} part of the story.

 As exciting as it is to share our good news, I do so hesitantly. I know too well what its like to read another pregnancy announcement and feel a bit, well, sad and jealous. I also really hate when good things happen and we all shout GOD IS SO GOOD! Not because it's not true, but because God is so good- even when good things don't happen. I think we all have a tendency to really praise the happy things and find God in them. But isn't he just as present in the harder parts of life? Yes, we have a sweet sweet little baby on the way and I'm kind of over the moon excited about it. But 4 months ago when we were feeling tired of trying and a lot hopeless about it all, I was still praising God because He is so good. I don't know. I guess I'm just praying that when you read this post or any post that might bring you a bit of pain and highlight a longing you have, I hope that you see God's goodness in your life too.
   I shared back in July 2012 about a big part of my story. After that, though, I've stayed mostly silent on this blog about anything in regards to babies. I'm a private person for the most part, and if I'm up to processing something big in my life- its mostly with my closest friends and definitely face to face. So let's catch up on what's happened since then, mkay?
   A couple months after the miscarriage, we decided to start trying again. Honestly, having a healthy pregnancy and baby seemed like the only redemption for our loss. And we got pregnant so easily that first time. We for sure would get pregnant again right away {everyone's words, our doctor included}! Not the case. In fact, it took us over a year of trying. And somewhat of an emotional roller coaster. Its so hard to know your body so well and feel like its letting you down. If you're not careful, the whole trying to get pregnant thing can consume you.
  Which is where, somewhere over the last year, God has really just taught me to choose joy. Not life circumstances. Or even deep desires of my heart {like becoming a mom}. Gosh, I was not perfect at practicing this at all. But it got easier and even more fun over time. I made intentional choices to live in the present, instead of in the hope of things to come {a baby}. I poured myself into new friendships and things like book club and cooking club. I left a job {and coworkers I love!} for another, much more fulfilling one. I had unintentionally taken my previous jobs planning to get pregnant right away and knowing it would be easy to transition in and out of with a baby. Then, well, no baby. So I stopped putting life on hold for something that wasn't happening. And I have been loving my new, but really challenging job. We also decided to give ourselves a break. We booked a trip to NYC to kind of just get away and treat ourselves.
   And then, after still trying {I hate when people say that when you stop trying you finally get pregnant. Hear me, that was not our story.} but also really living in the present, we got pregnant. We were both kind of in disbelief, because we'd had such loss and heartache and waiting up to this point. But slowly, we started celebrating.
  I kind of knew before it happened that I was pregnant, so I took a test really early without telling Justin. When he got home from work, I surprised him with a bun in the oven. Knowing he wouldn't get it, I had a backup plan...

...a box of Little Debbie's! He wasn't sure if I was trying to tell him we were pregnant or that it was a 'cheat day' and we could eat all sorts of junk for supper. Eventually {after I showed him the test}, he figured it out and we spent the night in shock!
  Now, if I can get Justin to take a good picture, I'll start sharing bump updates!
ps. Don't forget to link-up with us this week! 

Tomorrow With a Smile


Stormy said...

I can NOT wait for said bump dates! :) Im crying tears of joy for you doll!

Boldly Chic Planner said...

Love you, sissy! And so excited for you to be a mommy - that baby is the luckiest!

Maggie and Ben said...

I love this turn in your story, Katie! Thanks you for writing so sensitively and eloquently about such a heavy topic. God can teach others so much through you!

Jamie said...

i'd love to see some bump updates! Pregnancy is so exciting and I'm truly glad that you are experiencing it, especially since you describe motherhood as one of the deepest desires of your heart.