Filled to be emptied again.
Meant to be used up.
Those two phrases or ideas have completely shifted my attitude and, honestly, my heart lately.
The first is from a pretty popular song, but I heard the second from the director of the bible study I attend during the school year. She said it in reference to our life on earth and how we want to approach the Lord when we get to heaven. As in, the goal isn't to hoard our energy or money or things during our lifetime, but instead to be fully used up and be able to stand before God saying "I gave it all for you. I gave patience and kindness and my time and my money and things to build your Kingdom. Here I am- a bit bruised and beaten, but fully used up." While she used it in the context of our entire life, I heard it in the context of my current days as a mom.
I am fully used up the end of each day. My energy is gone, I'm running on little patience by 8pm, my creativity is depleted, all I have has been used up throughout the day with my little guys. A few months ago, I had sort of been viewing that as a less than wonderful thing. Like ugh, I'm spent. After hearing that specific talk at Bible study this spring though, I realized that yes, I'm used up. I'm used up! God fills me every single morning, not to conserve my love and patience and fun- but to give every little bit of it to my boys. I should be tired and emptied of patience and love and fun by the end of each day. That's the point!
Such a basic shift in how I look at my days and my heart. Nothing at all has changed besides my attitude and my approach. I'm filled (every day) to be emptied. I get a bit bruised and tired and used up because that is what the Lord has created me for- specifically as a mom these days. But in other areas too. With friends and my husband and in my family. I'm sure I will feel this same way when I return to full-time social work in a few years.
So here's to being used up each day- and at the end of this life- and seeing that as a good thing!