Thursday, January 8, 2015

Balance, waiting, and being content.

 Almost seven months in, and it seems I've settled into being a stay at home mom. I didn't have any expectations before Caleb was born, and, if I'm being completely honest, it's been far easier and more fulfilling than I could have imagined. Sometimes I struggle with feeling guilty for how easy the transition has been and how content of a baby Caleb has been from the beginning. That's mostly subsided and I know that I'll get mine {teenage years are sure to give me a run for my money}.
  So anyways, our days are full and simple and I really do love them. I waited until Caleb was a month old to make a final decision about returning to my full time job as a school-based mental health therapist. And my decision was to stay home. I wrote a little about it here- about worries of becoming lost in motherhood and grieving the end of one season while adjusting to another. A handful of months later, and I can say I haven't gotten lost in being a mom {even though this blog may seem like I have?} and have found a good balance of time at home and still investing in other relationships. So that's good.
  When I left my job, I think part of me believed I'd still keep a foot in the door with social work. Maybe part time or on a volunteer basis. I really did think that something would pop up and I'd be able to use those gifts of helping and supporting people. At the same time, I also felt really strongly to not pursue an opportunity on my own, to not go looking for one. To be fully present at home with Caleb and trust that God would create a way for me. I have a tendency to drum up good things on my own {I don't like waiting} and then attach God's name to them. So this has been a good lesson in waiting and being content. 
  Except, here I am. Seven months later and no opportunity has magically appeared. I've caught myself so many times perking up when someone mentions a great agency or cause or name of someone doing something I'd be interested in doing. I've checked the local social work job postings regularly. I've really, really considered jumping into something I love like Noonday. But every time, I stop myself and remember to wait and be content. And to trust. That its ok for this season of life to look different and to maybe put those gifts and passions on the shelf for now. 
  So over the next few weeks, I'll be working on retiring my social work license. It just seems so official and final. Like, this is really it. This is really committing to not being a social worker right now and for the foreseeable future. Have you ever done something like that? Gah. So I guess what I'm saying is, if you think of it, pray for some direction for me? Or share any words of wisdom on taking a step back from something you love in order to focus on something else you love. Who knew becoming a mom would mean so many lessons on finding balance, waiting, and being content?

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