Monday, July 7, 2014

Settling in.

  Somehow, it's July 7th and my baby boy is three weeks old. And, amazingly enough, my body seems to have fully recovered from childbirth. And we've settled into our new normal. And our dogs haven't been neglected or tried to eat our new child yet. Or any dirty diapers, in Jersey's case {that one is inevitable, though}. And we survived the stress of hosting a stream of postpartum visitors. Also of note? My hormones seem to have leveled out and I feel much more like a normal person, even after surviving mastitis last week. 
  I love being a mom, there really is no doubt about that. Still, my mind can't help but jump back to the other parts of our story or my sweet, amazingly strong friend who is still grieving the tragic loss of her baby boy. I look at Caleb a dozen times a day and am overwhelmed with all the feelings. Love. Gratitude. Confusion on why I lost one baby but get to know this one. Anger that Caleb won't get to grow up with Oak. Excitement to see our little guy grow and grow. So many emotions and thoughts. I'm sure it's all really normal and I'm just like every other new mom. feel free to validate that!
  But all of that to say, I'm here. I'm alive. We're doing so, so well. Sometimes, we're doing so well that I feel a bit guilty. We didn't do a darn thing to deserve this sweet baby or the hours of sleep he lets us get at night {I'm looking at you, Caleb. Let's nip this growth spurt in the butt, mmk??} But we have him and he's ours and God keeps seeing fit to bring Justin and closer together because of him. And while Caleb is the, I am really passionate about not losing myself in him. Does that sound horrible? I just mean I still want to garden and go to book club and have wine nights with friends and date my husband on the regular. And blog about it all. While still being the best mom I can, you know? So here's to motherhood, feeling all the emotions, and blogging about more than babies!

1 comment:

Allison said...

I'm so happy to hear you are surviving and thriving. :) I need all the details to prepare me for what's ahead in the next few months. Haha. I love that you don't want to get lost in being a mom though. I think that is extremely important! It's such a huge job, but it is one part of you. Congrats again!