Banned.

Dear sweet, Jersey,

   Gosh, you are adorable. And really, you're a great running partner. When you don't have to poop. But you're indefinitely banned from running. For some reason, you think its super cool to save all your deuces for our little jogs, which is whatever. But then you fake-poop the entire time. Girl, its not my fault you're gun shy. If you can't just take care of business and stop making me look like a stop&go running fool in the park while simultaneously messing with my mileage and pace- you are just going to have to get your exercise in the backyard. Tough crap. Literally.

  Sincerely,

      Katie {the one who feeds you}