Thursday, February 28, 2013

A fitting end to a needed break.

I'm not sure I would have had anyone else fill in for me for this last guest post. Emily is so, so wonderful and probably understands most the reasons I needed this blog break. We initially connected over unfortunate heartbreak- and then realized we have so much more in common. Love this girl, love her heart. I can't wait for more brunches and lunches and to meet her sweet baby boy this summer! 

Hello! I'm Emily, and I blog over at Paging Dr. Grace! I started my blog back in February of 2010 as a way to stay connected with family and friends when my dad had open heart surgery. Since then, my blog has transformed into more of a journal of my life with my hubby, running, food, travel, DIY endeavors, and most recently, a way to document my pregnancy as we start the next chapter in our lives!

sipping on coffee while in Paris, June 2012

I first came across Katie's blog last summer, shortly after she had shared about her miscarriage. My heart went out to her, and when we started emailing back and forth, we quickly realized that we lived about 20 minutes apart! After months of saying we needed to meet, we went on our first "blate" in January and had so much fun talking for hours over a delicious brunch. Let me just tell you, Katie is as sweet and genuine in person as she is on her blog. I can't wait for more brunch, lunch, and dinner dates in the future! :)

Since reading about Katie's miscarriage is what first drew me to her blog, I felt like I wanted to share some of my feelings about miscarriages with you all today. I realize that miscarriage is not something people like to talk about, and it's certainly not a light-hearted topic, but it's something that happens all too often. 

I had a miscarriage back in October of 2011. We had gotten pregnant after two months of "trying," and I was honestly a little surprised it had happened so fast. Unfortunately, the pregnancy went really fast too, as I started to miscarry when I was only 5-6 weeks along. To say that it was a tough time would be a complete understatement. It was the hardest thing I've had to experience thus far. Losing our baby was such a sense of loss and emptiness that I never knew was possible. Part of me was mad that this had happened to us, when it seemed like everyone around me was having no trouble getting pregnant, staying pregnant, and having perfectly smooth pregnancies and healthy babies. It didn't help that there were four - yes FOUR - co-workers who were all due within a few weeks of me, so that made it extremely difficult to see them going through their pregnancies when I would have been at the same stages too. 

There were many times throughout that winter, spring, and summer when I would start thinking about our baby and just cry. I cried a lot. Even last July, almost a year later. I had hosted a baby shower for one of my friends and co-workers, and that was a very hard day when I realized that I was the only one at the party who didn't have kids or wasn't pregnant. Yep, that was a really hard day.

However, in the months that followed, I finally started to accept it. I realized that God really does know what he is doing. I think this revelation came to me as I rushing from training rooms to football games and trying to study at the same time {I am currently doing a 1 year fellowship to become a sports medicine doc}. During some of those busy days, I wondered how I would be handling my busy schedule with a baby-in-tow. I realized that it would have added so much stress to an already crazy schedule. Now, I know that we would have found a way to work everything out, but I really just think that it was all part of God's plan. It's allowing me to fully focus on becoming the best sports medicine doctor I can be, because that is my job right now. And I think surviving a miscarriage made me appreciate the miracle of pregnancy and life all the more when it happened for real.

I found out I was pregnant for a second time in October 2012, and I was so excited, but so, so nervous. This pregnancy felt different from the beginning, but I still worried that every twinge or pain I felt meant that I was going to miscarry this baby too. However, I am happy to say that everything has gone perfectly. I know I would have appreciated and marveled at the miracle of our first pregnancy, but losing our first baby has made me love this little guy even more. As I sit here and type, I can feel him moving around in my tummy, and it is truly amazing. A feeling that I hope and pray anyone trying to have a baby will one day experience.

Katie, thank you so much for letting me take over your space for a day. Feel free to stop by anytime!


Emily said...

thank you so much for your sweet words, katie!!! you're the best!

love the new blog design too! who did it?

what about next tuesday??

Allison said...

I just love your blog's new look! So cute and fresh.