the doctor's results are in, and IBS is still the diagnosis. that just doesn't sit well with me. maybe its because i know my body better than that. or more likely, because i just don't want to be told that its something without any cure or medicine that i haven't already tried. ick. i might go for a second opinion. at least get a colonoscopy. is it weird that i really want one? only because i want to be able to eat normally!!
really though, i realized this week after getting back the results and talking to the doctor who seemed really unconcerned with any of my symptoms, i decided a few things. one is that this might all be i my head. but i don't really think that's the case...i'm not imagining the number of times i'm in the bathroom each day or the constant nausea i have or lack of appetite or even my weightloss. second, i have decided that i am over it. whatever is racking my body is consuming me. i don't run anymore, i barely eat, i'm not very social (no energy), and i have a huge lack of motivation. this is not like me. and it isn't me. i have decided this week that all of that will change. clearly the doctor can't do anything for me, so i am going to keep on living as if my body doesn't hurt. i will start working out again next week. i will get ahead in my school work this weekend. i will force myself to be social. i will not dwell on how i feel physically. everything i have tried (diet changes, medicine, fiber, etc) don't help, so i am just going to avoid how i feel!
i like my new resolve. so far today, i have worked for a few hours on a study guide for my kick-butt Stats&Research design exam coming up. whew. I really need an A on it. I'm about to head over to the research lab to compute some data of a study i've been working on. i'll probably be there for a few hours. then i'll come back and make some cute halloween invitation for our pumpkin carving quick-pick-a-date next week.
its a productive day already. i like it :)