Joy.

(sign from Target)

  Four years ago, I was still reeling from our miscarriage and coming up on a year of trying to conceive again. It was a weird time- I felt a bit aimless in lots of ways (at work, building our family, finding community around us, etc). I stumbled on this quote by Henri Nouwen: 

"Still, nothing happens automatically in the spiritual life. Joy does not simply happen to us. We have to choose joy and keep choosing it every day. It is a choice based on the knowledge that we belong to God and have found in God our refuge and our safety and that nothing, not even death, can take God away from us."

  And for four years, this quote and the idea that joy is a choice has stuck with me. I'm prone to clinging to quotes or ideas or simply things that encourage when I find myself in harder seasons, but forgetting them later. That hasn't been the case with this. It is safe to say that choosing joy has become a habit for me. 

  And I really do mean a habit. Joy does not come easily (Nouwen acknowledges that!), but after time it is easy to see how essential it is to having a sweet life and relationship with Jesus. Also being ok with the tension of choosing joy and being sad. Choosing joy and being confused. Choosing joy and being angry. Some days it feels more natural than others- the sun is literally shining, my kids are being sweet, and I'm confident in all of my relationships. Either way, I've learned that joy is, in fact, a choice. Maybe even a spiritual discipline? I'm not theologian, but I would argue it is. 

  Here are some of the ways I literally practice the discipline of choosing joy:

thankful journal// hands down, this is the most effective way that I cultivate joy. Taking time every day to write down 3 things I am thankful for is a game changer. And in all honesty, I lost my prayer journal a few months ago and haven't replaced it yet. So before falling asleep every night, I simply take mental note of my thankfuls and give God thanks instead! Try this for one month straight and you'll be amazed how your heart/attitude/outlook changes. 

creating an intentional home// Obviously we're all aware of the minimalist trend and the gagillion options for cute prints/signs to hang around your home. I'm a fan! Clutter is clutter. I purposefully have some plants around my house- they make me smile and truly make me happy to water, prune, and watch grow. I also hang our favorite photos (weddings, family vacations, snuggly newborns, dating days, etc) and words that remind me where my hope lies. What makes you smile or reminds you that joy is a choice? Put more of those things around your home! Tape reminders on your bathroom mirror or next to where you do dishes- whatever works.

using words// A couple years ago I saw a group of older ladies encouraging each other well. They had been friends for decades and each took time to affirm one another. They stopped what they were doing (whatever it was) and just said true things they noticed or appreciated about the other. How life giving! After that, I've worked to make sending notes of encouragement/thankfulness in the mail, texts, or engaging in conversations with friends/family a habit. Instead of just thinking to myself "So-and-so is great at such-and-such" or "Gosh, I'm glad so-and-so is one of my closest friends", I've started to actually tell them. For instance, my friend Kate has a knack for listening really well and making you feel heard and loved so I try to tell her how much I value that. My mom is forever doing really thoughtful things for myself and my kiddos (like watching our boys for a week while we went on a trip!) and I try to tell her that I really, truly appreciate it. My friend Meg has this great way of working Christ into all of our conversations in the sweetest ways, so I try to let her know how important that is to me. 

physical touch// Hugs are my favorite and they make hard things slightly less hard/isolating/heavy and great things even better/more fun. 

giving gifts// Paying for the person behind me at Starbucks (someone did this for me yesterday!), making cookies and leaving them in a friend's mailbox, or just buying something at Target because it reminded me of someone and gifting it to them- really simple things that probably bless another person, but also bring me joy and point me back to Jesus.

  All that to say, I'm still working on this. I want to be 80 and still choosing joy. I also want to teach my kids about it- how it doesn't come easily but is so worth working on. Joy is one of God's sweetest, most generous gifts to us! How do you do it? What are some practical ways you work this out?

Joy.

"Joy is essential to spiritual life. Whatever we may think or say about God, when we are not joyful, our thoughts and words cannot bear fruit. Jesus reveals to us God's love so that his joy may become ours and that our joy may become complete. Joy is the experience of knowing that you are unconditionally loved and that nothing — sickness, failure, emotional distress, oppression, war, or even death — can take that love away.

"Joy is not the same as happiness. We can be unhappy about many things, but joy can still be there because it comes from the knowledge of God's love for us. We are inclined to think that when we are sad we cannot be glad, but in the life of a God-centered person, sorrow and joy can exist together. That isn't easy to understand, but when we think about some of our deepest life experiences, such as being present at the birth of a child or the death of a friend, great sorrow and great joy are often seen to be parts of the same experience. Often we discover the joy in the midst of the sorrow. I remember the most painful times of my life as times in which I became aware of a spiritual reality much larger than myself, a reality that allowed me to live the pain with hope. I dare even to say: 'My grief was a place where I found joy.' Still, nothing happens automatically in the spiritual life. Joy does not simply happen to us. We have to choose joy and keep choosing it every day. It is a choice based on the knowledge that we belong to God and have found in God our refuge and our safety and that nothing, not even death, can take God away from us."

-Henri J.M. Nouwen

  I love these words from Nouwen. Don't they just make you stop in your tracks and reevaluate how you're looking at life and faith today? Happy Wednesday! :)

Around the table. {a goodbye}

  Our cooking club met for our monthly meal last night. We each brought a dish, this time keeping with a Pioneer Woman theme. Most of the ladies came a bit early to put together a little gift for another who is moving to North Carolina this weekend. I think I've mentioned cooking club on the blog before, and how we formed it after all reading Shauna Niequist's Bread & Wine. I'm sure, a year ago, as we shared crepes and cocktails, we all had big hopes for this group and finding community over a shared love of cooking. At least I did. But honestly? I never could have imagined how real that hope would become.
  We realized last night that we're coming up on our one year anniversary. So, so much has happened over that year. Every four weeks, give or take, we've gathered around a different table and shared different, usually new, recipes with each other. We always, always talk about the food and the recipes. Naturally. As the months have gone by, however, we've started talking about more than food. Sharing love stories. Woes about being a 20-something in the Church. In-laws and dogs and careers. We have just become really good friends. It has been a really fun surprise, this cooking club of ours. 
   We are all at similar, yet different points in life. Three of us are expecting our first little one. One is on the verge of engagement and married life. Another just settled into her brand new, first house. And another is making a move across state lines for her husband's job. So many different life things. And so very, very fun to walk with these ladies through. 
   As we said goodbye to Caitlin last night, I honestly teared up. Because we will miss her. Because I truly pray God gives her similar community in her new city. Because, despite my doubts or feeling shy in the first few months, God has proven again that he desires for his people to be in real community together and if we're obedient to that, he provides. This cooking club has been really wonderful proof. 
   Of course, we'll see Caitlin again. We'll keep in touch and keep praying for her new adventure. And we'll keep gathering around a different table every month. Soon with babies bouncing on knees and a shiny diamond ring to ooh and aah over. Life will most definitely keep happening, and Lord willing, we will be able to keep sharing in it together. I hope I've said it to each of those ladies, but just to keep getting it out there in the universe, I am grateful for each one. For their story. The food they make and share each month. For being allowed to share in their community. 
   Also? We have never, in all of our months, ever taken a group photo. So that's on our list of things to get done soon! 

   Are you in a cooking club or book club or general circle of friends that gets together to consistently {and intentionally} do life together? What's your most favorite part? 
Any must try recipes for us?

Winter

    I went to bed last night feeling a cold creeping in and woke up feeling about the same. A cold is a cold and not really a big deal, but there's just something about one of the coldest winters on record that makes a cold feel that much more dramatic. Am I right? This winter has just been a doozy. So cold. So snowy. So long. Winter has never ever been my favorite season, but I'm learning to appreciate that it has its place. Just like the other three seasons. And all the seasons of life. Not to get all cheesy on you, but I think I've learned that every season of life, the hard and long ones and the full-to-the-brim easy ones, are each good. Kind of reminds me of my favorite quote from a favorite book, "When life is sweet, say thank you and celebrate. And when life is bitter, say thank you and grow." {Shauna Niequist, Bittersweet}
  So if you find yourself extra cold and tired of dreary winter days that seem to drag on, pour yourself a mug of chamomile and say thank you anyway!

Thoughts on social work.

  

  I don't talk about my job much, if at all, on this blog. That's probably due to a combination of my job being incredibly personal and potentially uninteresting to anyone else. It's personal because being a social worker isn't just a source of income for me, it is really an extension of who I am. It is just part of me. Its potentially uninteresting because, are you really interested in my 9-5?
  But with thoughts of what the work/baby balance will be come this summer and having a really heavy (read: pregnancy hormones) week so far, I just want to sit and talk about my job. This snow day seemed like the perfect chance to do just that.
  First of all, I struggle to call it a job. If I'm talking about pay or leadership or HR-type things, then it does feel like a job. But when I think about my clients and what I actually do all day every day, it feels right.
  Right now, I'm a school-based therapist. My days are spent doing a lot of play therapy with kids as young as 5 and as old as 12. We work on things like depression, defiance, and trauma. I spend a lot of my time working with parents and helping them get to a place to provide the best support for their kiddo, whether that means getting counseling themselves or helping them secure health insurance or addressing issues of abuse and neglect in the home. Basically, no day is the same.
  This week, I have spent most of my time on a really complicated and ever-changing situation with one of my kids who has been exposed to a lot of trauma and possible abuse. That is always hard. But it kind of reinforces my passion for social work. For loving on people. I have been so frustrated with the system and others not stepping up to advocate for this little one, but at the end of each day I remember that I can do something. I have to do something.
  I am always really passionate about my job and caring for others, because I truly feel that is what God wants me to do with my life. But this pregnancy has me feeling things in a much deeper way than I have before. Never has James 1:27 felt more relevant and necessary to me than it does now. I don't often like The Message's use of paraphrasing the Bible, but its version of this verse just puts it so well...

"Anyone who sets himself up as “religious” by talking a good game is self-deceived. This kind of religion is hot air and only hot air. Real religion, the kind that passes muster before God the Father, is this: Reach out to the homeless and loveless in their plight, and guard against corruption from the godless world." James 1:27

  I'm not really sure the point of writing all of this out, except to process it. We have a snow day today, and I'm not ashamed to admit that I am so thankful for the day off. My heart has been so heavy at work this week and so frustrated with the injustices I have been coming up against. I'll be back at it tomorrow, but honestly, I needed this break. As I look forward this summer and balancing my job and being a mom, I have no idea what it looks like. But today I'm praying more than ever that God give me a bit of direction and discernment of how this passion for social work will still be present.

What about you? 
What parts of your job are you passionate about?
If you're a working mom, what balance have you found?

A dog person.

"A dog doesn't care if you're rich or poor, clever or dull, smart or dumb. Give him your heart and he'll give you his. How many people can you say that about? How many people can make you feel rare and pure and special? How many people can make you feel extraordinary?" Marley & Me

Devotions.

***be sure to pop in and read yesterday's post! {and give your feedback...}

Quiet time. Devotions. Bible study. Whatever you call it,  I'm forever interested in the specifics and  practicality of how others spend their time with the Lord. Like with budgets or physical boundaries in dating, I've always been amazed about how private people are with talking about how they plan out their devotional time. I get that its highly personal and intimate, but I really passionately believe that we are able to {and should do better to} learn from each other.

My devotions have ebbed and flowed over the years, for sure. Different seasons of life {high school, college, summers at camp, grad school, times of grief} have meant for changes and adjustments. Over the last year or so, though, I've mostly settled into a routine that I really love. Maybe this will be really boring and irrelevant to you. But maybe you'll find it useful? I'd love to hear how you structure your time in the Word and prayer. {Elise shared her's here and I love it! She uses a planner, how cool!}

After lots of trial and error, I've learned what works {and doesn't work} for me. So before I get into what I do now, here's what I've learned works::

mornings// My devotionals are like my workouts, in that if I don't do it in the morning, by the time evening rolls around, I will have a dozen excuses {legit or not} of why it just won't get done today. If you think about it, nothing just 'comes up' early in the morning {besides being tired}. But rolling out of bed a little early is a necessary sacrifice for me to get in the time I need with Jesus each day. And doesn't he deserve such a sacrifice?

structured study// I like Bible study plans and direction. Sometimes I just meander through the Bible, but those are the times that I get distracted and don't really put much into whatever I'm reading or praying about. I've found that having a plan or book to help guide me works best. Here are some of my favorites {and ones I keep coming back to, year after year}: SheReadsTruth, Women of the Bible, Streams in the Desert

daily// Getting in daily, structured time with Jesus is really important for me {probably for you, too?}. While it doesn't always happen, because I'm far from perfect, it is absolutely always my goal. Some days I oversleep and only get 15 minutes in. Other days I lose track of time and end up investing over an hour of prayer and study. I don't think that there is some hard and fast rule about how often you spend time set aside with Jesus. But I also don't think it can happen too often, you know? So daily is my goal.

And, in case you're curious, here's what I'm doing now. And my tools, if you will::

-thankful journal
-Bible {similar}
-journal {for notes & prayer}

I always, always start out by jotting things I'm thankful for in my thankful journal. It's so neat to look back on and a good practice to put into place. {Read more about that here}

Next, I dive in Scripture. For the longest time, I went back and forth between this and this. While I love the SheReadsTruth plans, I don't love that I wasn't really connecting with the online community and it required a decent amount of time on my iPhone or iPad {for the YouVersion app}. So, with the new year, I decided to get back to basics and I've been loving it. I have been spending my Sundays reading the weekly study that my Bible has. I've never really done these before, and figured now was as good a time as any to jump in! For the other days of the week, I am working my way through Acts, reading about one chapter a day.

  So how do I read it? I go section by section. That helps me digest it all a little better and forces me to slow down. After I read through a section, I underline any verses that stand out to me and take notes. I summarize the section, in my own words. Sometimes my Bible has notes in the sidebar, and I add those to my journal. Then I connect it to my life or highlight verses that really stick out and why. Then I move on to the next section. After all of this, I take time to reflect in my journal about what I've read and how it applies to me. I usually even write out my prayers after my study notes.

Like I said, the amount of time I put in each day can vary {hello, oversleeping}, but the rhythm stays the same. Thankfuls, reading, note taking, praying. It works for me and really, truly draws me closer to God. I like this inductive type of study a lot, because it helps me actually learn Scripture and apply it.

What about you? How do you structure your time with Jesus? What are your habits for reading the Bible? I'd love to hear!!!

Happy New Year!

   Happy {almost} 2014! I find that the older I get, the more I really love this holiday. I love reflecting on the past year and feeling refreshed with a brand new year on way. A clean slate, you know? 
  Despite my really deep love for wine, I'll be skipping the vino and indulging in some rootbeer this NYE. But it's totally worth it. We're keeping it low key with good friends and some Cards Against Humanity. I'll be very impressed if I even stay up until midnight, really. {Last night I went to bed at 7:30...}. But either way, I'm sure it will be fun. And I'm so excited for 2014. All that it already has in store for us. And just a new year to experience God's goodness and mercies all over again. At the risk of sounding like a broken record, I really do believe that joy is a choice. So, just like in 2013, I'm choosing joy for this next year.
  What about you? Have any wild New Year's plans? Making anything special for your party? Here's what I'm I was bringing {until our oven died yesterday}: pretzel bites & Sullivan Street Bread {from this book}. Can you tell this baby has me craving savories?!

{Another} part of the story.

 As exciting as it is to share our good news, I do so hesitantly. I know too well what its like to read another pregnancy announcement and feel a bit, well, sad and jealous. I also really hate when good things happen and we all shout GOD IS SO GOOD! Not because it's not true, but because God is so good- even when good things don't happen. I think we all have a tendency to really praise the happy things and find God in them. But isn't he just as present in the harder parts of life? Yes, we have a sweet sweet little baby on the way and I'm kind of over the moon excited about it. But 4 months ago when we were feeling tired of trying and a lot hopeless about it all, I was still praising God because He is so good. I don't know. I guess I'm just praying that when you read this post or any post that might bring you a bit of pain and highlight a longing you have, I hope that you see God's goodness in your life too.
   I shared back in July 2012 about a big part of my story. After that, though, I've stayed mostly silent on this blog about anything in regards to babies. I'm a private person for the most part, and if I'm up to processing something big in my life- its mostly with my closest friends and definitely face to face. So let's catch up on what's happened since then, mkay?
   A couple months after the miscarriage, we decided to start trying again. Honestly, having a healthy pregnancy and baby seemed like the only redemption for our loss. And we got pregnant so easily that first time. We for sure would get pregnant again right away {everyone's words, our doctor included}! Not the case. In fact, it took us over a year of trying. And somewhat of an emotional roller coaster. Its so hard to know your body so well and feel like its letting you down. If you're not careful, the whole trying to get pregnant thing can consume you.
  Which is where, somewhere over the last year, God has really just taught me to choose joy. Not life circumstances. Or even deep desires of my heart {like becoming a mom}. Gosh, I was not perfect at practicing this at all. But it got easier and even more fun over time. I made intentional choices to live in the present, instead of in the hope of things to come {a baby}. I poured myself into new friendships and things like book club and cooking club. I left a job {and coworkers I love!} for another, much more fulfilling one. I had unintentionally taken my previous jobs planning to get pregnant right away and knowing it would be easy to transition in and out of with a baby. Then, well, no baby. So I stopped putting life on hold for something that wasn't happening. And I have been loving my new, but really challenging job. We also decided to give ourselves a break. We booked a trip to NYC to kind of just get away and treat ourselves.
   And then, after still trying {I hate when people say that when you stop trying you finally get pregnant. Hear me, that was not our story.} but also really living in the present, we got pregnant. We were both kind of in disbelief, because we'd had such loss and heartache and waiting up to this point. But slowly, we started celebrating.
  I kind of knew before it happened that I was pregnant, so I took a test really early without telling Justin. When he got home from work, I surprised him with a bun in the oven. Knowing he wouldn't get it, I had a backup plan...

...a box of Little Debbie's! He wasn't sure if I was trying to tell him we were pregnant or that it was a 'cheat day' and we could eat all sorts of junk for supper. Eventually {after I showed him the test}, he figured it out and we spent the night in shock!
  Now, if I can get Justin to take a good picture, I'll start sharing bump updates!

  

ps. Don't forget to link-up with us this week! 

<center> <a href="http://jkrush.blogspot.com/search/label/Taking%20Stock%202013" target="_blank"><img alt="Tomorrow With a Smile" src="http://i1258.photobucket.com/albums/ii521/krush_717/TakingStock2_zpscbbb9780.jpg"/></a></center>

New York, New York.

   Justin and I are feeling all sorts of love after sharing our exciting news yesterday {here and here}. A lot of time, joy, heartache, waiting, and trusting went into the whole thing. I'm sure I'll get around to sharing all the fun updates and pregnancy stuff that goes along with, well, having a baby. But, not today! Let's chat about NYC instead, mkay? 
  Early this Fall, we were feeling about restless about the whole baby thing and decided to treat ourselves. We made a short list of fun winter vacation spots, but kept coming back to NYC. If you've ever been there at Christmas, you know how magical it is. To be clear, I'm not a big city girl and much prefer open spaces, gravel roads, and fresh air. But there's nothing like the energy of the city. So, we booked our trip and planned in some extra time to spend with my brother and sister-in-law {who live outside the city in Jersey}. 
  Basically, the pictures speak for themselves. We loved our hotel {and 2-block view of the Chrysler Building!}, saw the Radio City Christmas Spectacular, ate at our all time favorite pizza place, saw Letterman, had my ring cleaned at the world's largest Tiffany's, saw all of the Christmas windows and had so much fun just being away together and taking in all the Christmas-y fun. I've never been to NYC outside of winter, so its on our bucket list to head back when there are warmer temps. And when my stomach can handle more than pizza crust and soup! On our list for next time is the High Line, Peter Luger's, the Chelsea Market, and visiting Ellis Island. 

ps. Don't forget to get working on your Taking Stock 2013 post and come back and link up! 

<center> <a href="http://jkrush.blogspot.com/search/label/Taking%20Stock%202013" target="_blank"><img alt="Tomorrow With a Smile" src="http://i1258.photobucket.com/albums/ii521/krush_717/TakingStock2_zpscbbb9780.jpg"/></a></center>

Ice Ice Baby.

Coming July 2014! 

Wrapping things up.

   Can you believe that Christmas is only 2 days away? Crazy town. New Year's and 2014 will be here just as fast. Last year, I joined a few others and spent some time reflecting and taking stock of 2012. I loved doing that kind of stuff, looking back and seeing a big picture. Especially because, when you're caught up in it, its hard to really appreciate it all. I think there is just something really important about taking time to intentionally and quite literally count your blessings
  So, of course I'm doing it again this year and I'm teaming up with one of my absolute favorites, Julie! And we'd love for you to join us. Here's my post and the link up from last year- it was really great reading everyone's thoughts and recaps on 2012. My post will go up on January 1st, but you can link up at late as January 6th. I'd love to hear about all the ways you were blessed by 2013!

And be sure to grab the button to share!

<center> <a href="http://jkrush.blogspot.com/search/label/Taking%20Stock%202013" target="_blank"><img alt="Tomorrow With a Smile" src="http://i1258.photobucket.com/albums/ii521/krush_717/TakingStock2_zpscbbb9780.jpg"/></a></center>

Champions.

  This past Saturday, we were able to watch J's cousin play {and dominate!} in the Big10 Championship game. We hosted my brother and sister-in-law, along with some of our favorite friends from Chicago. The game was a late one and we may or may not have rolled into bed around 4am after all was said and done {read: game, celebrating with family, and Steak'n'Shake}. But it was so worth it! We're all so proud of Marcus and the whole Spartan team. Can't wait to watch them in the Rose Bowl! 

ps. MSU football: round 1