Simply.

   The quote above doesn't have a whole lot to do with today's post, except for that I just really like it and I kind of just 'let go' of my 31 Days series towards the end. And I'm more than ok with it! Choosing joy is something I will probably always love to talk and hear and think about, so even with the series ending, I'm sure blog posts and conversations about it will still pop up every now and then.
  Can we take a moment to think about the fact that its November? November 4th, really. Thanksgiving and Christmas are not my favorite holidays {Fourth of July for the win!}, but this year I'm finding myself to excited that the holiday season is here. Maybe its because we have SO much fun stuff coming up over the next few weeks {Florida, Big10 Championship, NYC, holiday parties, fun family things}. Or maybe it's because I'm finding myself in a really sweet season of life right now. A job that stimulates and challenges me {I'll share about that eventually...}. A home that we really, really love being in. Lots of extra time in the margins for things that re-energize me {working out, walking the dogs, reading books, coffee dates with friends, dipping my toes back into sewing}. Gorgeous Midwest changing seasons. Of course, I'm leaving out lots of the stressful stuff. But a la the quote about, let's all just agree to let go of the heavy stuff this holiday season. If for no other reason than that they are heavy. Amen??

Choosing joy: Your words. {1}

Way back at the start of this whole thing, I asked you guys to help me flesh out joy. It's been so neat to read through your thoughts and see so many differences and similarities. Today, I'm sharing some of your definitions of joy. Let's start with one of my favorites...

"It has an unshakable foundation, and it comes only from God."

"Feeling a sense of complete contentedness and satisfaction; it is not just a feeling but a state of being."

"Feeling of fulfillment."

"Resolute assurance that God has not forgotten me nor lacks the resources to meet my needs!"

"To me, happiness is a feeling I can't really control or concoct; but joy is a choice to have a positive attitude and be thankful for God's blessings, even when life may look bleak or downright sucky."

"A feeling of warmth and satisfaction..."

"The most sincere form of happiness."

"Joy is confidence in knowing that God is in control, despite our current circumstances. It is not fleeting like happiness or other emotions. Joy is deeper. It is knowing that our salvation is secure in Christ, trusting that He has good things in store for those who love Him. It is looking beyond our present, earthly circumstances and realizing we have received many blessings.
 "Joy is divine. True joy is that unshakable sense in our spirits and choice in our actions that displays the knowledge of a providential God. Joy provides perspective."

"The feeling you get when your heart is about the burst with happiness."

"Having total contentment in the moment you're in."

"Having a happy heart."

The Whole series:

Day 1. #31days of Choosing Joy

Day 2. Let's chat. 

Day 3. Nouwen's words. 

Day 4. A choice. 

Day 5. A picture. 

Day 6. A quote. 

Day 7. In marriage.

Day 8. Fake it.  

Day 9. A song. 

Day 10. Zucchini bread. 

Day 11. Best of my days.

Day 12. A picture. {2}

Day 13. A quote. {2}

Day 14. Priorities. 

Day 15. A book.  

Day 16. After loss. 

Day 17. With people.

Day 18. whoops! no post. 

Day 19. A picture. {3}

Day 20. A quote. {3}

Day 21. For others. 

Day 22. A Fall treat! 

Day 23. A shameless plug. 

Day 28. Your words. {1} 

Choosing joy: A shameless plug.

Could you ever say no to that adorable {almost 3 years old!} face?? I know. Me neither. So do the {almost} birthday girl and me a favor and answer a few questions here? It's only one person away from being an even number, and the type-A in me really, really wants it to be even. So help a girl out? Youdayoudabest. 

The Whole series:

Day 1. #31days of Choosing Joy

Day 2. Let's chat. 

Day 3. Nouwen's words. 

Day 4. A choice. 

Day 5. A picture. 

Day 6. A quote. 

Day 7. In marriage.

Day 8. Fake it.  

Day 9. A song. 

Day 10. Zucchini bread. 

Day 11. Best of my days.

Day 12. A picture. {2}

Day 13. A quote. {2}

Day 14. Priorities. 

Day 15. A book.  

Day 16. After loss. 

Day 17. With people.

Day 18. whoops! no post. 

Day 19. A picture. {3}

Day 20. A quote. {3}

Day 21. For others. 

Day 22. A Fall treat! 

Day 23. A shameless plug.

Fall must-haves. {Black Tie Caramel}

  How about a mash-up of posts today? I'm combining today's Choosing Joy and Fall Must-Have's posts together! Because,who doesn't love a good giveaway and delicious treats?? 

 Today's the second-to-last of the Fall Must Have's series, and I'm so excited to talk about Black Tie Caramel! I stumbled upon Cindy's shop through HopeSpoken. Black Tie Caramel is one of the sponsors, and anyone who supports a great event like HopeSpoken has my vote! Also, who doesn't love caramel, especially with a dash of fleur de sel?? It kind of screams FALL TREAT to me. At Black Tie, they use only the freshest ingredients to hand make these delicious treats. I especially love their adorable packaging! How cute would these be for a holiday party favor or even wedding favor? But if we're being honest, I really just want a big 'ole jar for myself! Cindy from Black Tie Caramel is so sweetly offering one of you lucky ducks a free 3oz. sack of these delicious treats! 

a Rafflecopter giveaway

 

The Whole series:

Day 1. #31days of Choosing Joy

Day 2. Let's chat. 

Day 3. Nouwen's words. 

Day 4. A choice. 

Day 5. A picture. 

Day 6. A quote. 

Day 7. In marriage.

Day 8. Fake it.  

Day 9. A song. 

Day 10. Zucchini bread. 

Day 11. Best of my days.

Day 12. A picture. {2}

Day 13. A quote. {2}

Day 14. Priorities. 

Day 15. A book.  

Day 16. After loss. 

Day 17. With people.

Day 18. whoops! no post. 

Day 19. A picture. {3}

Day 20. A quote. {3}

Day 21. For others. 

Day 22. A Fall treat! 

Day 23. A shameless plug.

Choosing joy: for others.

 

   Did you get around to reading Emily's post last week about Mr. Rogers and Martha Stewart? If not, it's worth the read. You can find it here. Go ahead, I'll wait.

----------------------------------------------------------

  Good stuff, right? It really got me thinking. This whole series has been about choosing joy, every day, for yourself. But we're family and we're in this together. I'm a firm believer in community and looking out for each other. So what does it mean to help others choose joy? 

  The easy answer is through the words we use with each other. Verbal exhortation goes a long way. Think about it, have you ever felt less joyful after a compliment or really sweet words of encouragement? Probably not. I see this all the time in my job. I say something seemingly menial, but it changes a client's disposition right a way. Telling a tired, pushed to her limits mom wow, you've got a lot on your plate and I can't tell you love your kids. Or a kid who is perpetually in trouble and visiting the principle you know, you're really a good kid and I know you can make good choices. Or a even just to a friend I'm really glad you decided to come tonight. Words have power. Power to build up and tear down. 

  But what else? Words can't be the only way we can encourage our friends and family and anyone who crosses our paths towards joy. In fact, I think its the unspoken things that elicit the most joy. Random intentional moments, like sending a card and brining flowers and care packages. Or spending real time in prayer for them. Or a long hug, good laugh, and a shared cry. 

  I don't do the best job at this, but I really do try to make my relationships intentional. The way I see it, if I'm not encouraging someone to joy, I'm probably pushing them away from it. My go-to's are cards, prayer, texts, care packages, baked goods, and coffee dates. Those are the main ways I show love and encourage joy with friends. Basically, gifts and quality time. Those are the two primary ways I receive it, too. Also, hugs and cries. If you're a good {real life} friend of mine, you know this. We have most likely cried together and hugged it out afterwards. It's my jam. But, I really need to push myself in some other ways. 

  I'm interested- how do you encourage joy? How have others encouraged it in you? I can't get Emily's post out of my head. Am I choosing joy or criticism? Will people remember that I made them feel loved and encouraged towards joy?

The Whole series:

Day 1. #31days of Choosing Joy

Day 2. Let's chat. 

Day 3. Nouwen's words. 

Day 4. A choice. 

Day 5. A picture. 

Day 6. A quote. 

Day 7. In marriage.

Day 8. Fake it.  

Day 9. A song. 

Day 10. Zucchini bread. 

Day 11. Best of my days.

Day 12. A picture. {2}

Day 13. A quote. {2}

Day 14. Priorities. 

Day 15. A book.  

Day 16. After loss. 

Day 17. With people.

Day 18. whoops! no post. 

Day 19. A picture. {3}

Day 20. A quote. {3}

Day 21. For others. 

Day 22. A Fall treat! 

Choosing joy: a quote. {3}

It's 8pm on Sunday, but I got a post up. *fist pump*

The Whole series:

Day 1. #31days of Choosing Joy

Day 2. Let's chat. 

Day 3. Nouwen's words. 

Day 4. A choice. 

Day 5. A picture. 

Day 6. A quote. 

Day 7. In marriage.

Day 8. Fake it.  

Day 9. A song. 

Day 10. Zucchini bread. 

Day 11. Best of my days.

Day 12. A picture. {2}

Day 13. A quote. {2}

Day 14. Priorities. 

Day 15. A book.  

Day 16. After loss. 

Day 17. With people.

Day 18. whoops! no post. 

Day 19. A picture. {3}

Day 20. A quote. {3}

Day 21. For others. 

Day 22. A Fall treat! 

Choosing joy: a picture. {3}

The Whole series:

Day 1. #31days of Choosing Joy

Day 2. Let's chat. 

Day 3. Nouwen's words. 

Day 4. A choice. 

Day 5. A picture. 

Day 6. A quote. 

Day 7. In marriage.

Day 8. Fake it.  

Day 9. A song. 

Day 10. Zucchini bread. 

Day 11. Best of my days.

Day 12. A picture. {2}

Day 13. A quote. {2}

Day 14. Priorities. 

Day 15. A book.  

Day 16. After loss. 

Day 17. With people.

Day 18. whoops! no post. 

Day 19. A picture. {3}

Day 20. A quote. {3}

Day 21. For others. 

Day 22. A Fall treat! 

Choosing joy: with people.

  I alluded yesterday to some of the ways I utilize relationships to help me keep choosing joy, every single day. Before I go on, I think it is important to emphasize that while, to an outsider, I probably seem very social {hello, I'm a social worker} I'm actually a huge homebody. If I had to guess, I would say that I'm edging into introvert status these days. I do really love being with people and I definitely need quality time, but I'm easily overwhelmed and quickly drained. I've joked before that for every day spent with people, I need three spent alone to recoup. It's so true and if you look at my calendar, you'll see evidence of it.  
  So anyways, what was I saying? Relationships help with choosing joy. In my case, this is a literal choice I have to make. Since my natural tendency is to stay home with my husband and good book or maybe just meet up with one really good friend, I have worked at being extra intentional with groups of friends. Take a few weeks ago for instance. I had these adorable wine-themed cards so I decided to invite some ladies over for a wine tasting night. The honest part? The day before and night of, I wanted to call it off. The thought of everyone coming over and not everyone knowing each other and hosting everyone...it all overwhelmed me. And it had been a long week. And I could have used a quiet night at home. I get this way a lot, like with my Noonday Trunk Show over the summer. I can get excited about social things if they are far enough away {out of sight, out of mind}, but when they come closer my introvert self gets exhausted at the simple thought of being social. So, I make myself do it sometimes. I had those ladies over for wine night despite my hesitation and I'm sure none of them knew how I was feeling. And. It. Was. Awesome. Not necessarily life changing and I haven't given it much thought since that night. But it was good. We talked and laughed and drank far too much wine and voted on our favorites. The last ladies didn't leave until long after midnight and they had a long drive home. While we ended the night chatting in my living room and my husband was cleaning up in the kitchen for me {he's the best} I had one of those this was so worth it moments. We spent the next day with family and I was beyond exhausted {socially} by Sunday, but my heart was really full. Good books and cuddles on the couch with my husband or coffee shop dates with one good friends are great things and the things I'm more likely to choose over big groups {read: more than 3 people}. But big groups are sometimes what I need to keep choosing joy. Laughing over nothing in particular and sharing silly stories from high school and voting on favorite wines just because are all good for the heart, you know? 
  So what about you? How do you choose joy through relationships? What intentional things do you do? I'd love to hear! Really. And if you haven't already, be sure to chime in on the Choosing Joy discussion here!

The Whole series:

Day 1. #31days of Choosing Joy

Day 2. Let's chat. 

Day 3. Nouwen's words. 

Day 4. A choice. 

Day 5. A picture. 

Day 6. A quote. 

Day 7. In marriage.

Day 8. Fake it.  

Day 9. A song. 

Day 10. Zucchini bread. 

Day 11. Best of my days.

Day 12. A picture. {2}

Day 13. A quote. {2}

Day 14. Priorities. 

Day 15. A book.  

Day 16. After loss. 

Day 17. With people.

Choosing joy: after loss.

  Yesterday was Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance day, and it got me thinking I should write about post about how I worked at choosing joy after our miscarriage. {Read that story here} 
   I should start by saying it was really difficult. I think any grief is difficult to wade through, and for me, miscarriage was especially hard. Sometimes it seemed silly to feel so sad about losing someone I had never even met. I had never really experienced anyone openly grieving for a miscarriage before, yet I knew lots of people that had had them. But they seemed to move on just fine. It wasn't that easy for me.
  In the first few weeks after the miscarriage, I cried pretty much every day. Mostly in my car and at night- the two times my mind had a chance to rest on the loss. It might sound crazy to you, but I think that is the first way that I chose joy after my miscarriage. Joy often gets confused with smiling and laughing and optimism. Know what I think? I think joy can definitely be found in real, gut wrenching mourning. My tears weren't for wishing my baby back. They were prayerful tears of God this hurts so bad and I miss my baby I never knew so much, yet I'm so glad your'e holding me so tightly right now. I gave myself time to cry and be really honest with God and let him scoop me up in the midst of it. Eventually, I cried less. But kept praying. For peace and comfort and patience and hope and for joy. 
  I'd be lying if I said the heartache stopped when the crying did. I'm not sure that scar will ever really go away, you know? But life goes on. It has to. So, I had to do some tangible things to keep choosing joy and not be overcome by grief. So I quit my job. I know its dramatic and I'm not saying anyone who feels less-than in the joy department should do it. But for me, it was what I needed. The day after we found out our baby was gone, I sat across from a mom at my job who said she didn't care if she ever saw her baby again. Yeah. Clearly, that was not a place I could find healing in. I talked to my boss, who was so supportive and caring, and I moved on to another, less stressful job. I struggled with feeling like a flake (I'd only been at the other job for a few months) and a bit like a failure (the job I moved on to didn't use my brand new degree at all). But I prayed a lot and kept hearing God say choose me, choose joy. 
  Around the same time I changed jobs, we took a vacation with friends. It did a world of good. Intentional relationships have always been important to me, but they took on a whole new light when I was healing. It was really hard for me to talk to people about the miscarriage at first. Because, would they think I just need to let it go? It's not a big deal? Stop talking about it already? Maybe some did/do feel that way. But for the most part, friends were a huge part in my healing. Especially on that vacation. I'm a firm believer in good friends and good wine as a balm for the soul. And if there is a beach involved, even better. 
  The last thing I did to purposefully choose joy after our miscarriage was busy myself. Not in a distraction type of way, but in a fake it til you make it kind of way. We joined a small group at our new church, I made new friends at my new job, I joined a local non-profit committee, I started a book club with friends, I joined a cooking club, I had lots of wine and girls' nights, I invested in my new niece and nephew. Somewhere in the last few years, I've switched from an extrovert to an introvert. That can be a slippery slope when grief is involved. I rarely felt like getting out and being social because I genuinely prefer quiet nights at home. But I needed to be out and doing. I still do. And those nights spent over glasses of wine {I promise there isn't always wine involved} and Sundays sharing meals with good friends were so good for me. Those are the things that helped me find and choose the laughter, smile on your face kind of joy. 
  When you add up all those intentional things, that really were strung together by lots of prayer and time spent in the Bible, joy is the result. The thing they all have in common is that they forced me to remember that I am not defined by my situation. My situation was miscarriage. My definition was grace and hope and love. And joy in the ways God has and continues to bless me. But most of all, joy in the truth that I am a daughter of the King. And one day, one day I won't have that scar of miscarriage any more. And you won't have any of your scars from whatever situations you've found yourself in before or find yourself in this very moment. I don't celebrate because today is good. I celebrate and have joy because one day, all will be good. 

The Whole series:

Day 1. #31days of Choosing Joy

Day 2. Let's chat. 

Day 3. Nouwen's words. 

Day 4. A choice. 

Day 5. A picture. 

Day 6. A quote. 

Day 7. In marriage.

Day 8. Fake it.  

Day 9. A song. 

Day 10. Zucchini bread. 

Day 11. Best of my days.

Day 12. A picture. {2}

Day 13. A quote. {2}

Day 14. Priorities. 

Day 15. A book.  

Day 16. After loss.