Daily bread.

  Both boys are actually napping at the same time right now and, while I have a least a dozen other things I could be doing, I'm taking advantage of this time to just sit and rest for a few minutes. It feels good to just be and to let the thoughts in my head sort of just roll around for a bit- so I figured I may as well blog them too.

  I firmly believe that we're not really any more busy than we allow ourselves to be and that no one person is any busier than another- we all just have different boundaries, thresholds, and priorities. So when I say that I feel like these free, quiet moments to myself are so so rare these days, I say it knowing that its probably the same for you, too.

  These boys have been giving me a run for my money lately. At the same time, I would probably agree that life has never really felt so fun and full. I'm not sure I've ever laughed so much each day or operated on such little sleep and lived in such a constantly messy house. Its such a crazy balance- these feelings of being stretched to my literal limits and these feelings of being blessed to overflowing. When I take a step back, I can see that none of it is coincidence (or of my doing) and that God gives really good gifts right when we need them.

 (and then, no joke, both kids woke up in the middle of me writing this. C'est la vie, right?)

  But anyways. All of this has had me thinking of the verse I stumbled on last week in Proverbs 30:8. "Give me neither poverty nor riches, but give me only my daily bread." Honestly, we all probably want to operate from a place of abundance. And I think sometimes we have the opportunity do so. That's not usually the case though. I love thinking of the Israelites as they wandered through the dessert and quite literally depended on God to give them new bread every morning to make it through one day at a time. That takes faith and trust and real dependence on God.

   One of the things I think I struggle with the most is general anxiety, even in the midst of really abundant seasons. My worries get away from me and can easily turn huge blessings into big worries (will we ever find a new house? am I being a good enough friend? what if I'm missing some big developmental thing that I should be working on with my kids?). But this verse is like one big whoosh. Tomorrow will take care of itself. God has given me just enough for today, right now. None of this is ground breaking or new for me to hear, but somehow this verse just keeps popping back into my head and reminding me not to get ahead of myself or stuck in worry about the mights and could be's and to just rest in the ways God has equipped me right now.

  So, as we gear up for a weeklong vacation with family at the beach, I'm keeping my expectations realistic. I know that vacationing with two kids under two probably won't make space for lots of actual rest. And that's ok! Instead of worrying about how to make it perfect for Justin or not be a buzzkill for the others we're traveling with (I'm forever self-conscious about our kids bugging other people- another thing I need to let go of)- I'm going to give myself space to stay up late chatting with friends even if it means losing sleep, carving out time to read a book and recharge while the boys nap even if it means missing out on some beach time, or whatever little ways I can find to have rest and live in the season of life God has placed me instead of worrying about it or fighting against it. Oh, and work on my tan. I haven't had a real, legit tan in at least 3 years!