Friday, February 14, 2014

20 weeks.

We're to the halfway mark which is crazy and about time all at once. Today is our anatomy ultrasound and I really am so excited to see this baby again {and one last time before he/she is born?}. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't a bit nervous, too. I think after walking into an ultrasound and getting unexpected results once before, we will always just be a little on edge. Honestly, this whole week I've been more introspective and emotional than ever. So much is on my mind, and I think it has a lot to do with knowing we'll see our baby again today, we're halfway to actually meeting him/her, and one year ago tomorrow would have been our first baby's due date.
  I don't really think its any bit of a coincidence that we have such an exciting doctor's appointment only one day before we remember what would have been our first little one's birthday. Honestly? I think God is holding me extra close this weekend. The scar from miscarriage never really goes away, but the joy of new life sure makes it sting much less, you know? During a sick day this week, I re-watched What To Expect When You're Expecting. And I basically bawled through the entire miscarriage scene. A 20-week pregnant woman who has previously miscarried is bound to bawl through that, right? Gosh. It just reminded me of how hard loss can be and how good God is all at once. And how really, truly every life deserves to be celebrated. Even the shortest ones.
  On a happier note? This weekend is the anniversary of when Justin proposed to me. Do I really need to elaborate on that one? The father of the little life growing in my belly asked me to be his forever this weekend 5 years ago. The charm of that has yet to wear off, and I hope it never does. I really love that man more today than I did back then. I can only imagine what 50 more years will do to us!
  And, back to this baby. I know it's not all mine and Justin will be the most amazing dad when he/she gets here. But I can't help but think how special it is that I get to have this little one to myself for all of 9 months. What a really, really sweet blessing. Sure, the nausea and backaches and other side effects I could do without. But there is new life inside of me. And for a few more weeks yet, I'm the only one who gets to feel those rolls and kicks. I don't want to take any of that for granted. Gosh, am I sappy this week!
  We're having our family over tomorrow for brunch to share the gender with them, and I'll probably announce it on the blog on Monday. In the meantime, what's your vote? Boy or girl!? 

What do you think baby Rush is?


Anonymous said...

Oh, what a beautiful engagement weekend that was! Lots of prayers for you today!

Anonymous said...

Such a touching post about your first little one. As one who was told when I was 18 that I may never have children, I can relate to the sadness when friends talk about their pregnancies and such. But how amazing that God gives you the reminder and joy with your next little bundle to help comfort you during this time!

Oh, and I'm guessing it will be bowties rather than hairbows! :)


natalie said...

Happy half way point and happy gender reveal day! Can't wait to hear if your little one is a he or a she :)

Holly Osbeck said...

SO exciting!! It's fun to have this time to ourselves with the little ones :)

Unknown said...

I guess girl :)

It only makes perfect mathematical sense ;) If, of course, mathematical is related to college roommates...

Ps love these posts-you look great. So happy for you. T here are many nights (in my insomniac pregnancy) that you pop in my mind and I pray for you guys!