I intentionally stepped away from the interwebs in February, and that definitely had its effect. Then, I spent a few days with a wonderful friend; sharing my heart and fears and hearing hers. At the same time, I was reading this book- specifically the chapter titled Enough. I've personally retitled that chapter to Swift Kick in the Pants- since that's how it felt, and all. I've also been consistently reflecting on the best of my days for a few months now. And, for the first time in a while, I've been very very regularly sitting down and immersing myself in God's word and prayer.
Whatever's been happening- it probably all comes back to that last one. Now that I think about it, all those other things probably just served as little exclamation points along the way.
What I'm talking about is a simple shift in my heart, in my attitude. I usually hate it when bloggers get all specific yet vague at the same time. But, I'm about to do it anyway. The beginning of February found me discouraged and a bit consumed. Add in lots of comparison and what-would-have-beens...and there was almost a full blown pity party. But then, really slowly and quietly, this simple shift started. Fast forward, and today I am really really content in my deepest parts. For no reason, necessarily. I catch myself several times every day thinking "Gosh, I'm blessed" while feeling extremely full. To clarify, the very things that had me feeling discouraged and consumed are still the same. Situationally, life hasn't changed a bit. But it truly seems as if God crept in and quite literally changed my heart. Its much more 'You're enough for today,' and less "But what about tomorrow?' running through my head. They definitely creep in, by those discontent thoughts are much fewer and farther between. I feel lighter, cheesy as it sounds. This morning as I was reading Psalm 129, I said a prayer asking if this could be be a lasting shift. If my heart could stay put right where it is- steeped in joy and contentment.