Monday, June 11, 2012

Again & again.

For some reason, 
I have this really terrible tendency to self-sabbotage.
Its like instead of waiting for the other shoe to drop,
{because I'm sure it will eventually}
I just take matters into my own hands.

Sounds dramatic, I know.
This tendency is most evident in two areas of my life: my relationship with Jesus & my friendships.

Its the former that's gotten me this time.
Remember how I started the Soul Detox a while back?
Well, about a week ago...
I just stopped.
I legitimately got a day behind.
And then just kept making excuses.
Watching RHONJ or Design Star or going for a run or making muffins or doing anything other than picking up my Bible.
I literally have no good reason.
And I'm more than embarrassed to admit the number of times that its happened.

And it always happens at the most convenient times {for Satan}.
This weekend I needed to be in the Word and getting wisdom and peace from Jesus more than ever. But instead, I was still putting it off.
It'll be there tomorrow, right?!

Gosh, that is a terrible mindset.
I have such an ugly heart sometimes. 

But today I picked it up again.
And I'm hoping it sticks. 
I need Jesus' grace and guidance always.

I'm not usually a fan of The Message, but it fits today. It just fits. It shows the passion I need to have and the fervency necessary to cling to Jesus' words. 
Proverbs 4:1-9
Your Life Is at Stake
 1-2 Listen, friends, to some fatherly advice; sit up and take notice so you'll know how to live.
I'm giving you good counsel; 
   don't let it go in one ear and out the other. 

 3-9 When I was a boy at my father's knee, 
   the pride and joy of my mother,
He would sit me down and drill me: 
   "Take this to heart. Do what I tell you—live!
Sell everything and buy Wisdom! Forage for Understanding! 
   Don't forget one word! Don't deviate an inch!
Never walk away from Wisdom—she guards your life; 
   love her—she keeps her eye on you.
Above all and before all, do this: Get Wisdom! 
   Write this at the top of your list: Get Understanding!
Throw your arms around her—believe me, you won't regret it; 
   never let her go—she'll make your life glorious.
She'll garland your life with grace, 
   she'll festoon your days with beauty." 

Its the imagery that's got me today. "Throw your arms around her- believe me, you won't regret it." 

Phew. That's what I'm trying to do today.
Keep me accountable?
Really, I would love that.
And let me know if you ever struggle with this cray cray self-sabbotaging tendency!


Unknown said...

i am the SAME WAY! i feel ya. i just started the soul detox too and i LOVE it! keep it up, girl!

Allison said...

Why is it so easy for us to get distracted and off track?! I'm right there with you girl. Love this verse!!!! Thanks for sharing.

Tatiana said...

I get the same way. I think it's because we would much rather be entertained than take the time to spend with God. It's really selfish, but it happens to the best of us :-) Hang in there girl. You can do this!

Emily grapes said...

It is tough to get back on track once you take a few days off...then more..then more. So glad you got yourself back in the word. Its amazing how things seem calmer once you do...or for me at least.
Emily at Amazing Grapes

Ashley said...

girlfriend you are too hard on yourself. you dont know how many times i've been so excited after leaving bible study on tuesday night only to realize it's monday and i haven't done a dang thing in my study! you are an inspiration!

Kerri said...

Hello my darling, just popping by to say Thank you so much for my amazing swap, i have just uploaded pictures on my blog, i am a little poorly today so i am treating myself to a bath and light my new scrumptious candle! Hope you are ok and will speak to you soon. Again thank you so much xxxxxxxx